A Letter To My First Love When He Finally Falls In Love Again

love her like sharing a twin sized mattress
for two years
yeah, love her like that, like
turning on the seat warmers before she gets in the car like
trying to make homemade icing
and failing miserably
and wearing powdered sugar like a wedding dress
let her dance on your feet in the kitchen
love her like sharing a twin sized mattress
in a room with no broken furniture
like seat warmers
in a car with a rearview mirror that hasn’t been punched out like
trying to make a home out of another human
and failing miserably
and wearing our bloodied sugar fears on our forearms
a promise that we wouldn’t let each other go
not until we killed each other first
no, wait, don’t love her like that, love her like
the delirious all nighters, ask her to teach you her language
but without all the Adderall
only put your hands around her neck if she asks nicely
love her with your whole heart
love her more than that girl from high school who never loved you back
or that girl from college who is writing you this letter
love her like
when she falls asleep on your shoulder
and the driver slams on the brakes
hold her head there
tuck her feet under your thigh when they are cold
hold her heart there
let your love wake up new every morning
always be in awe of her
love her more than your depression and
when you kiss her,
I hope she tastes as good as living
when she laughs,
I hope it sounds as good as living feels when you laugh too

please, just love her like you loved me

without all the ways you didn’t.