Sucks, big time. You can’t sleep at night. You keep on thinking, as much as you don’t want to, what he saw in her that wasn’t in you. You keep on asking why – why her, why this, why now. You keep on looking for answers, answers – that in fact – you already have. You keep asking questions that even he couldn’t answer for you. You keep on hoping that maybe, just maybe, there’s still the guy who loved you left in him. That maybe, one day, he’ll realize that it was you all along.
When someone you thought would always choose you, being replaced hurts twice as being rejected. It just ruins you. It breaks you apart – trust, belief, self-worth and even morals. You could never look at the person or love the same way again. You will always doubt and scared and never be out there, like totally out there.
You will always think that you can never trust people because you know that they can wake up one day and say “I don’t love you anymore”. You will always wonder if this will end up in wedding bells or just another relationship that will come and go. Because let’s face it, you don’t get into a committed relationship with the thought that this will end up as well. And you will be scared because you know you don’t want to spend nights crying over it or him again.
Your belief in finding true love is shattered into million pieces that it will almost become non-existent. You will always think that the person you thought you would grow old with, someone that will always stay by my side, someone that will see the good and bad in you and will still choose to stay, walked out on you. The love that you thought would last a lifetime ended in a blink of an eye. How else can you believe that true love is out there? How else can you wear your heart on your sleeve?
You will always ask yourself, ‘am I not good enough’? Or what is it she has that you don’t have? Or does he really love her more? Or is she nicer than you? Or she’s helping him ease the burden in his life? You will keep on stalking and checking her Facebook profile and measure her up. She’s not really smart. She posts stupid status. She’s still in college. She’s not even pretty. How did he fall for someone like this? How did he come to a conclusion that he’s going to choose her over you? You will question your worth. You will question if everything you have achieved in life mattered. You will question your choices.
You will question everything in your life. You will question yourself. This is probably the worst part of being replaced, when you start doubting yourself because you shouldn’t. Your worth is not based on someone else’s opinion. Your worth is not based on somebody else’s choices. You are who you are and it’s important to know that everything you’ve been through, everything you are – achievements, character, experiences – that’s what makes you genuine. And no one, even the one you love, should make you feel inferior. You will doubt and you will compare, that’s okay. You will go through that process, but it should never define you.
You will constantly break your rules. You will always choose to compromise. You will always choose to settle when you know you deserve more. You will always reason, “..but I love him”. You will go with the flow; even if you think what you’re doing is wrong. You will say, “..it’s okay, he makes me happy” but at the dead of the night, you will ask yourself, “what am I doing?”. You will need to know if you are really okay with it. You will sometimes wonder whether there’s a man who would live up to your fantasy and dreams. And even if you break your morals, you will still choose him.
There will be days when all you want to do is crawl back to bed and sleep and not think of anything. There will be days when you will look at the mirror, check on every freckle on your face and imperfections and ask whether it was the reason he chose someone else. There will be days when all you want to do is bawl like a baby and regret everything. There will be days when you want to take revenge and find someone better just because. There will be days when you just want to shut up and never talk about it again.
There will come a time that some people who once walked away decided to return. Your first thought will be, “Yes! You can come back anytime!” but think about this, that person isn’t the same anymore. You can never look at them the same way again. When you touch their hands, you will think of how he touched theirs. When you kiss their lips, you will taste them. When you look at their eyes, you will see them. When you love them again, you will love all of them who came in between.
They said love should be that way – accepting the past, enjoying the present, and looking forward to the future. But when you have been replaced, it’s hard to look at love that way again. It’s like you have been tainted and until someone proves you wrong, you will never again be out there.
Being replaced is hard, but losing yourself in the process is harder. And that’s even worse than being replaced. You don’t need to change yourself for someone else’s standards. You don’t need to second-guess your worth. What’s happening right now is a process for you to be better, stronger and wiser. Embrace the season. If ever you feel like you need to change yourself, do it for you and not for anyone. As much as it’s hard to think about the future and move on, you have to. Life is not meant to be spent living backwards.
Stop looking back and stop overanalyzing things. Though we try to hold on, always remember, love doesn’t walk away but people do and when that happens, it’s best to know and hold to the fact that life goes on even if one aspect of it has stopped. God has better plans for you, so be still and wait patiently on Him.
“No one is indispensable to anyone else. You imagine you’re necessary to him or that he will be very unhappy if you leave him, but I’m sure that if you do, within three months he will have fitted another face into your role and you’ll see that no one is suffering because of your absence. You must feel free to do whatever feels best to you. Being someone’s nurse is no way to live unless you’re unable to do anything else. You have to say something on your own and you ought to be thinking, first and foremost, about that.” ― Françoise Gilot, Life with Picasso