How To Tell If He’s Ready To Commit — Right From The First Date

man standing alone
Alex Holyoake

Men. Just who are they?

The truth is that, while not all men are simple, most men are fairly predictable in the stages they go through when dating a new woman. You’re about to discover what goes on with a guy and what you can do to navigate this new relationship so you both stay interested and the relationship keeps moving forward.

First, I’ll give you a bit of background info. This will set the foundation for what you’re about to find out about men:

  • Men gravitate toward fun and are attracted to women who are winning in life (women who are happy!)
  • Men want to win big and they want to be a hero to you.
  • Men are production junkies. They want to do things for you and be appreciated for that.
  • Men are hungry to fall in love and be connected to a woman (I know this might be contrary to everything you’ve ever thought about men!)

Stage 1: Attraction

He’s attracted and wants to spend time getting to know you more. For both him and you, it’s a pretty simple time of putting your best foot forward and nothing more.

One BIG mistake men can make during these early days is talking… a lot! He’s really wanting to impress you but he doesn’t realize he may be sounding a bit self-centered. Plus, he’s dominating the conversation and not asking you about you!

Remember, men do this because they want you to see how productive and accomplished they are. It’s actually a sign they’re interested in you!

What can you do? This may seem a little awkward at first but, trust me, it works. Stop asking questions, politely interrupt, and say something like “That reminds me of a time when I…” This isn’t to one-up his accomplishments with your own, it’s just to encourage a two-way conversation.

Stage 2: Uncertainty

A guy’s uncertainty is a natural path, so don’t worry. Even though he may be starting to think of you as his soulmate, he’s also going to feel that his freedom is about to go! For some men, this fear is a mild tremor and, for others, it’s a major earthquake!

When you see him wiggle with uncertainty, do this: Keep being your happy self and show him appreciation for everything he does for you. That’s it. He may back off a little, call less, or not be as present when he is with you. That’s okay, it’s just a phase. DON’T make the mistake of going into pursuit mode or start doing everything for him. If he’s going to stay stuck in uncertainty, you’ll know very quickly.

Stage 3: Exclusivity

Now that he’s feeling more certain about you, he’s going to want to go exclusive and not date anyone else. You’re part of this agreement but let’s look at it from his perspective.

Until now, he’s been testing the waters. The danger in wanting exclusivity is that he may get too comfortable. He’ll feel like he’s done his part and now he can sit back, put his feet up, crack a beer… and eek, right?

Men are about production and efficiency when something needs to be done. If he thinks there’s nothing he needs to do, he’ll do nothing.

This is where you must step up and ask for support rather than just doing everything for yourself. Your new man really does want to do things for you, so ask him!

Now that you know how to recognize the first three stages that men experience in dating, you can make great choices for yourself! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Kim Sarrasin – The Queen of Hearts is North America’s most sought-after relationship expert.

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