The Past Is The Past So Why Can’t You Move On?

You go back to your high school and you suddenly see a very familiar face; you’ve memorized the lines on his face, his dimples, especially his smile. It’s warm but deceiving as usual. The truth is he cheated on you. Did he? Maybe not because it never became you and him anyway. But you see him, and the memories come back. Why so bitter? They say that past is past.

People say that ex-lovers never really forget each other. Others say that two people, after being in love, can remain friends either because they are still in love with each other or they never really were in the first place. But if you can’t stay as friends, I guess it’s either bitterness, or indifference.

If you were asked to choose between the two: bitterness or indifference, perhaps you would choose the latter. Normally you would. Nobody wants to feel stressed anyway because of resentment. But let me tell you this, you can never really feel indifferent towards a person if you have never felt full acrimony towards him/ her. You get bitter and then you get indifferent.

So how do you become bitter so that you can become indifferent? I say remember him now. Don’t force yourself to but each time he comes in to your mind, just let it be. Try to remember all the happy moments and all the hurtful ones. Let’s face it, there’s no real forgetting, just forgiving. Let yourself remember him and all those times you spent together, no matter how little. The more you try to push the thoughts away, it just gets harder. If remembering is hard for you, give yourself a reason to. Maybe you keep on remembering something because there is one thing in the past that you need to understand, and you haven’t since you refuse to recall.

Once you’ve started to remember, you might feel hurt. It’s fine, it’s natural. Or you may find the memories childish and just plain funny, then it’s better. But if it’s just bitterness, then just feel it. Donald Walters once said, you will have peace not by running away from your problems but by confronting them courageously. If a chance comes that you can talk to him, then do so. This way, you will know how you really feel towards that person. After remembering and maybe after facing him, then you can move on. The memories will just play in your mind but you’ll be surprised that they no longer mean so much to you as they have before. Eventually, you will realize that they’re just memories, nothing else. You’ll see that you have so much around you; people who actually care, and who actually love you. And so, you think of him less. Then you get it: the feeling of indifference towards that person. You can move on.

Some of you may say that indifference is too much since that person was a part of your life. If that’s what you think, then choose forgiveness. But remember, the only moment you could finally say that you have forgiven someone is when you remember all the memories, the bitter ones and the sweet, yet you feel no anger, no hurt, and no bitterness. You just smile to yourself and say, “Those were the times; WERE the times.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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