A List Of Actual Questions I Need ‘Alexa’ To Answer For Me

Piotr Chichosz

Alexa, why do I feel so mediocre today?

Alexa, what is the exact amount of caffeine I can drink that will get me to that perfect point between not having a lack-of-caffeine-headache and not having a too-much-caffeine headache?

Alexa, what articles did I just spend an hour clicking through on the internet? I don’t even remember.

Alexa, what’s my excuse for just now responding to a text that I received three days ago?

Alexa, what’s an appropriate amount of time in-between doing loads of laundry?

Alexa, why do I always promise myself I’m going to be ~creatively productive~ after work and then I look up and it’s 10:32 pm and I’m clicking through a slideshow via E! Online?

Alexa, are there any other interesting E! Online slideshows I can look through while I’m waiting for you to answer this question?

Alexa, why do I keep assuming my hangovers will get better, not worse, with each passing year?

Alexa, play “Chumbawamba.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I’m a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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