29 Little Things That Undeniably Tell You Who You Are More Than Anything Else

Woman standing under neon sign
Daniel Monteiro

1. The ten most important people in your life, and then the most important thing they’ve ever said to you.

2. What you talk about doing, and then what you actually do.

3. What you’re like when you haven’t eaten.

4. Who you call when you’re hurting.

5. How often you call someone else when you know they’re hurting.

6. The factor that ultimately decides when you quit something – is it when things get frustrating or exhausting? when things get hard? when it’s making you unhappy? when you stop improving as quickly? when it’s messing with your health? What makes you quit something?

7. How you relax.

8. If you make yourself feel guilty about relaxing.

9. The way you speak to strangers when you’re in a bad mood.

10. How you handle discomfort.

11. If you tell anyone after someone says “promise you won’t tell anyone.”

12. How you act around the higher-ups in your company or industry.

13. How you treat the employees in positions below yours in your company or industry.

14. What you think about when you’re walking for longer than 5 minutes.

15. The percentage of times you show up to something vs. the percentage of times that you cancel.

16. The way you apologize, and how long it takes you to get there.

17. How you react when someone else is apologizing to you.

18. What you read and the medium you use to read it.

19. What you do during the fifteen to eighteen minutes before you get in bed.

20. How you fall asleep.

21. What you think about when you’re falling asleep.

22. Your thoughts on eye contact.

23. How often you say ‘thank you’ and the kinds of things you say ‘thank you’ for.

24. The top five people you spend the most time around.

25. The people you’re jealous of, and how you think about them internally, when no one can hear your thoughts.

26. The people you’re jealous of, and how you talk about them when they’re not around.

27. The activity you do that makes you feel most like yourself.

28. How you react when someone else gets an opportunity that you wanted badly for yourself.

29. The kind things you do for others, even when you won’t get credit or when no one else will see it. TC mark 

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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