14 Married People Share The Weird And Unexpected Piece Of Advice That Really Helped Their Relationship

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1. “Don’t be an ass when you’re in the wrong, but also don’t be an ass when you’re in the right.”

–Christina, married 2 years




2. “Your spouse ‘knowing you better than anyone else in the world’ doesn’t mean that they can read your mind. If something’s troubling you or upsetting you, don’t wait for them to figure it out. Just frickin say it.”

–Antony, married 6 and a half years




3. “Your spouse won’t be the answer to all your problems. They can support you and make you happy and change your life for the better, but they can’t fix all your issues and give you meaning and stuff. You have to find that independently, even while in a relationship.”

–Michele, married 13 years




4. “Don’t be afraid of bad moods. They happen sometimes, it’s natural. It won’t make your marriage fall apart. Just let your partner have their time instead of trying to talk to them, and when they’re ready, they’ll feel better. And ask them to do the same for you.”

–Aaron, married 4 years




5. “Don’t have too much stuff – materialism is sneaky and it weaves its way into our lives very sneakily. When you have less stuff, you’re happier for so many reasons: you pay more attention to each other, you remember what’s important in life, and there’s also practical reasons: like if your closet is organized and your home isn’t overflowing with tons of unnecessary crap, you’re going to feel more peaceful and less pissed off. Your environment is important, it should be relaxing and not chaotic.”

–Alicia, married 6 years




6. “Remember that even the happiest-seeming couple in the entire world is dealing with some serious shit.”

–Charlie, married 4 years




7. “Say ‘thanks.’ Especially about little stuff. You laugh now, but it gets pretty damn easy to forget to use this word when you get so used to someone.”

–Travis, married 22 years




8. “When you are finished with your plate or cup, put it right in the dishwasher instead of leaving it in the sink. You’re going to use a lot of dishes over the years, and not letting them pile up is going to help you more than you know.”

–Kathryn, married 5 and a half years




9. “Be okay with the fact that the person you love right now might (probably will) be a very different person in five years and fifteen years. But remember that you will change too, and that most of the time, change is a good thing.”

–Zakary, married 11 years




10. “Keep stuff separate from each other sometimes – have individual friends and individual hobbies and joys in addition to the friends and hobbies you like to share together. And remember that keeping some things to yourself is not the same thing as keeping secrets from each other. If you keep secrets from each other, that’s an actual problem.”

–Maria, married 3 and a half years


11. “Fight with each other. Don’t push it all under the rug. Address it. Just address it in a healthy way. Healthy doesn’t mean having to avoid conflict, it just means figuring out how to be heard but also making sure that you actually hear them too. Hearing them is the hard part.”

–Hollie, married ten years


12. “Sometimes you’ll be really happy in your marriage. Sometimes bored. Sometimes stressed. Sometimes giddy. Sometimes annoyed. Sometimes unhappy. These are all normal things. They would happen with any person because life works that way. So just give your marriage everything you’ve got, do it with the person who cares about you and cares about the marriage, and remember that change is the only constant.”

–Derek, married 24 years




13. “Get a king sized bed. Trust me. Cuddling is ‘cute’ but eventually you’ll just want space when you’re sleeping.”

–Jayme, married 1 year, 4 months




14. “The very small things are very important because that’s what you have over time. So do nice things for each other and say thanks and be kind to each other. These things absolutely, absolutely, absolutely add up. The big things are important too, but I would argue that these little things are actually more important in the end.”

–Patricia, married 31 years TC mark

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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