1. Your favorite song is ‘iPhone commercials.’
2. You say ‘you too!’ when the movie theater ticket attendant tells you to enjoy the show.
3. You take a shot of Pepto-Bismol before you go out.
4. Your email signature contains seven different quotes.
5. You often close your Facebook tab and then automatically reopen it in another tab 30 seconds later without even thinking about it.
6. If a Creed song comes on you pretend to be annoyed but you don’t hit ‘next.’
7. You do this thing [. . . . . . . . . . . . .] on your Instagram captions and then put 36 hashtags at the bottom. YOU THINK WE DON’T NOTICE BUT WE DO.
8. You empty your dishwasher by taking items out on an as-needed basis until it’s totally accidentally emptied and the sink is totally full.
9. When you discover a new song that you’re obsessed with, you play it four hundred times, until you hate it and everyone else around you hates it too.
10. You use the phrase ‘bowel movement.’
11. You share articles without reading them.
12. You don’t follow Kylie Jenner on Instagram but you always check her account.
13. And then you spend another 15 minutes looking at Khloe’s and Kourtney’s and Scott’s and Kendall’s and Kris’s and hey, even Corey’s. But not Kim’s because she hasn’t posted since October 2nd.
14. You try to think of the most elusive band you know when people ask what sort of music you listen to.
15. You can only take NyQuil if you can get 16 hours of sleep that night.