12 Newlyweds On The Hardest Thing About The First Year Of Marriage

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1. “Getting used to having the other person in your space 24/7. And also having to remember that it’s not your space, it’s our space. It’s like, no matter how much you love them, you have to learn to be okay with the fact that sometimes they’ll get on your nerves, and that that is normal and okay.”

–Naomi, 25




2. “People immediately asking us when we were going to have kids. Like, pretty much within a month of our wedding we were getting asked that question. It really is such a private, personal question, but once you’re married, people have no boundaries.”

–Carla, 28




3. “Having to split up the holidays in terms of whose family you spend it with, especially if your families live in different cities/states. Last holiday season we did Thanksgiving at my parents’ house and Christmas at her parents’ house and she really missed her family at Thanksgiving and I really missed mine at Christmas. And it’s hard having to put on a happy face about it and not complain or be cranky about it, because it’s just part of being married and you have to suck it up for the other person. Wanting to spend the holidays with both your families is a good problem to have.”

–Kyle, 31




4. “Learning that it’s okay to fight and that an argument isn’t going to END your marriage. You just have to learn the healthy way to do it that comes with a solution that works for both of you.”

–Rosalie, 32




5. “Realizing that any decision you make in the future, whether it’s your job or a desire to move or anything else, has to take into account this other person, and your potential future family too. You’re not on your own anymore. It hits you in a whole new wave when you get married.”

–Jorge, 27


6. “Getting used to having a shared bank account, and remembering that you’re not just supporting and worrying about yourself financially now – you’re now working in a team in terms of your finances. It’s weird at first when you want to make a big purchase, and then you remember that you really should check with them first too that they’re comfortable with it, because it’s not just your money anymore.”

–Sara, 29




7. “Actually, it was the literal merging of our lives together, because we didn’t even move in together until after marriage. So, picking out a new place and organizing closet space, choosing whose furniture we’d keep and stuff – setting up this new home together. It was really exciting but also really overwhelming and stressful.”

–Jen, 33




8. “Really, truly getting that you’re going to spend your whole life with this person, or at least, that you’re going to try to.”

–Timothy, 28




9. “Inheriting a whole other family with their own history, cliques, sensitivities, dramas, etc.”

–Julian, 34




10. “Not having as much alone time. And not wanting to hurt their feelings when you tell them that you need some alone time, and that it has nothing to do with them.”

–Geraldine, 25


11. “Going back and forth about when we both were ready to start our family. Trying to match up our own timelines, and when we both were ready, and also financial stuff – it’s a lot.”

–Shaun, 31




12. “Preparing your mind and your heart for the fact that that is just year one of (hopefully) dozens and dozens of years.”

–Hope, 30 TC mark

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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