16 Bullshit Things You Say To Other People Versus What You Say To Your Siblings
By Kim Quindlen
In honor of our upcoming Thanksgiving reunion with the siblings we love to insult.
1.
To other people: I’m so proud of you!
To your siblings: I’m actually proud of you and you should take that as a huge compliment because normally I think you suck.
2.
To other people: No that outfit looks fine!
To your siblings: You look like a complete moron. Go change or I refuse to be seen with you in public.
3.
To other people: Let’s definitely catch up over Thanksgiving!
To your siblings: Let’s not leave the house at all over the Thanksgiving holiday and refuse to shower and just be disgusting blobs of worthlessness together.
4.
To other people: I think I’m just going to relax by myself tonight and get some cleaning done.
To your siblings: Go away you’re annoying me I wanna be alone.
5.
To other people: Things are great right now!
To your siblings: Things are the worst. So shut up and let me vent for ten minutes.
6.
To other people: Oh, you have to get work done? That’s understandable.
To your siblings: Quit lying to yourself, you know we’re about to watch Netflix for another three hours.
7.
To other people: Wanna go for a walk?
To your siblings: Wanna sit on the couch and not get up for hours?
8.
To other people: I’m feeling really good about life right now.
To your siblings: I’m a big ball of anxiety all the time help plz.
9.
To other people: *responds to ‘missed’ call thirty minutes later saying sorry and that phone was on silent*
To your siblings: *purposely hits ignore button, sends immediate text saying ‘I don’t feel like talking’ with completely irrelevant emoji*
10.
To other people: Yeah they’re really nice.
To your siblings: Ugh I hate them.
11.
To other people: The Bachelor really is such a ridiculous show.
To your siblings: Who did you put in your bracket for this week?
12.
To other people: Let’s go grab a coffee.
To your siblings: Let’s pretend we’re going to go grab a coffee and then halfway through the trip change our minds and get gross fast food instead.
13.
To other people: *text* We need to catch up soon.
To your siblings: *text* Call me right now I’m in panic mode about where my life is going.
14.
To other people: Mind if I DJ for a little while?
To your siblings: Give me the aux cord, I’m sick of your music.
15.
To other people: I’m gonna start making an effort to be healthier.
To your siblings: Just kidding let’s order a pizza even though it’s 11 o’clock at night.
16.
To other people: I’m doing well, just super busy!
To your siblings: I binge-watched five episodes of Black Mirror last night instead of doing any work.