12 People On The Surprising Thing That Got Them To Finally Conquer Their Commitment Issues

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1. “He told me I was being a coward and that I was afraid of happiness, not commitment. It was the first time someone tried hard enough and held on long enough to force me to admit to myself that I didn’t believe I deserved happiness. So that’s what finally changed everything. It still took a long time and a lot of work, but after a lot of self-help books and some counseling sessions, I’m finally learning that I deserve to be happy, and that I want to be happy – with him.”

–Ana, 27

 

2. “I realized that he was the only person in the entire world I was finally able to break down with. And the only guy I could be honest with and talk about things with – the first person who I ever willingly talked about my emotions with, without them having to absolutely force me. And that wasn’t something I wanted to give up because who knows if I ever would have found it again?”

–Marie, 24

 

3. “Everything was better and I was better the minute she came into my life. So there was really no battle to get over with her. It was more like I was terrified of commitment before I met her, and then I met her and loved the person I was when I was with her and loved being around her, and my fears of commitment basically evaporated. I sort of did a 180 – wanted to be exclusive with her after like three dates.”

–Arnold, 29

 

4. “I told her I just wasn’t sure that I was ready to settle down yet, and expected her to put up a big fight or scream or call me an asshole or do something like all my other ex’s had done. But instead she just said ‘Okay, I understand. But I’m not waiting for you.’ And then she walked out of my life and didn’t call me once or anything and after barely even three weeks, I was miserable. I hated the idea of my life without her and I hated the idea of losing her. That was seven years ago. We’ve been married for almost five years now and are so happy and I’m so glad I wasn’t an idiot.”

–Simon, 35

 

5. “He told me he loved me but he wasn’t going to play games or chase me. And I knew he was serious.”

–Kaiya, 28

 

6. “My Grandmom, who I’m incredibly close with, pulled me aside as me and my girlfriend were leaving for the airport after Thanksgiving last year, and said, ‘Don’t you dare lose her, you idiot.’ It made us both laugh but I also knew she was being serious. She had met most of my girlfriends and said I had never seemed this happy before. And she was right, obviously.”

–Bryant, 26

 

7. “She said what the two of us had found with each other was real and something that is so hard to find these days and that if I was willing to give that up because I wanted to live ‘the lifestyle of a 22-year-old forever’ then she couldn’t sit around for me. And thinking of being in my thirties and watching all my friends start families and me being the same old goofball without her – that terrified me and ultimately is the reason I was 100% ready to settle down.”

–Patrick, 29

 

8. “It was the first relationship where I was actually happy. That’s all there is to it.”

–Quinn, 31

 

9. “My older sister telling me that this was the first relationship she had ever seen me in that was functional, healthy, and GOOD. And that if I tried to walk away, that I was a fool. That word got to me.”

–Nina, 25

 

10. “I broke up with her, the only reason literally being the commitment thing, and I hated myself every single day afterwards. So a month later I asked her to go on a walk with me and told her I was an idiot and to please give me a second chance and, luckily, she did.”

–Vince, 27

 

11. “Lots and lots of hours with my therapist.”

–Lanna, 30

 

12. “He said that he wasn’t trying to take away my independence or force me to lose myself to the relationship – just that he wanted us to be two fully separate, independent individuals who worked as a team and were happier as two individuals together than as two individuals apart. That really helped me to stop being so afraid of committing, because really the big problem for me (after seeing so many friends drown themselves in a relationship and lose all their friends and their ambition and stuff) was worrying that I would become one of those girls. And he helped me to understand that it would be the opposite of that. That we’d make each other stronger.”

–Caitlynn, 27