1. Somebody posts an article that ~*finally*~ confirms whether they personally are voting for Trump or Hillary, because the entire Facebook universe has been waiting to hear their decision with bated breath.
2. Someone comments within eleven seconds and completely disagrees with the poster.
3. A third person jumps in and calls the first commenter ignorant, uneducated, and “not even aware of what you’re talking about.”
4. The original status poster aggressively likes the third person’s comment within two milliseconds.
5. Multiple other people comment within the next five minutes, either calling Trump a ‘monster’ or calling Hillary a ‘criminal.’
6. Several other mini comment wars begin under each of the individual comments.
7. Someone creatively posts a gif of a person eating popcorn and four billion people like it.
8. Someone comments that they love the original status poster but that they respectfully disagree with their political opinions, and everyone ignores this person because kindness is boring.
9. Someone named Dan, who hasn’t talked to any of these people in years, sits in a coffee shop on the other side of the country, consistently refreshing this conversation because it’s just too fascinating to look away.
10. Somebody says that this status will “probably go viral.”
11. Someone uses the word “sweetie” so patronizingly that you can feel the condescension oozing through the screen.
12. Someone makes a joke about Ken Bone that they pretend they thought of themselves but that everyone else has already seen on the internet.
13. Someone talks about how the media is corrupt and “you don’t even know the half of it.”
14. One guy responds to EVERY SINGLE COMMENT even though it’s not his status. Initially people support him with likes, but said likes eventually wear thin when everyone starts getting sick of him.
15. Somebody comments that they are having a hard time relating to “all of this,” in order to remind everyone that they are currently living abroad.
16. Someone says Obama was the worst president we ever had and then disappears into the abyss when someone asks them to elaborate.
17. Many people post comments with links to articles that specifically back up their opinions. Several people like these links but do not read them.
18. Some guy mentions Gary Johnson and everyone ignores him, except for one person who responds, “You’re wasting your time.”
19. Someone sees this shitshow pop up in their newsfeed, and starts texting screenshots to all of their mutual friends.
20. These friends and approximately five hundred other people watch this entire conversation war unfold in real time, secretly reading every comment without ever once liking or commenting on anything, because why.
21. After two days, the status dies down. Names have been called, no opinions have been changed, and the only thing anyone walks away with is a new rivalry with the girl from their sophomore year gym class that they had completely forgotten about until this moment.