27 Ways To Sabotage Your Chances At Finding The Love Of Your Life

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saritawalsh

1. 

Stay with someone because you think you’re at the age where you have no choice left but to settle.

2. 

Search for someone who will be your purpose in life, instead of your partner in life.

3. 

Fall in love with someone who makes you choose between them and your dreams.

4. 

Change yourself to be with someone because you’re convinced they’re your soulmate.

5. 

Rather than searching for someone who would love you for exactly the person you are right now.

6. 

Convince yourself that by being the less vulnerable one in your relationships, you somehow have the upper hand.

7. 

Stay with someone not because you want to be with them, but because you’re too scared to be alone.

8. 

Refuse to trust anyone, because you’ve been hurt by someone (or by many) in the past.

9. 

Decide that it’s better to close yourself off to the possibility of love, because being safe is easier than risking pain.

10. 

Decide that falling in love, getting engaged, getting married, and having kids must all follow a very specific timeline.

11. 

Rather than acknowledging that every single person is going to do it differently, and that there is not just one correct timeline.

12. 

Convince yourself that there must be something wrong with you whenever you’re dating someone who treats you poorly.

13. 

Slide into a relationship because it’s convenient, rather than actively choosing to be with someone.

14. 

Assume that being independent and being in a relationship have to be two mutually exclusive things.

15. 

Be in a relationship that’s 98% centered around what they want, or 98% centered around what you want, rather than landing somewhere in the middle.

16. 

Be with someone that you have to constantly convince yourself is right for you, instead of listening to your gut.

17.

Go off of passion alone, without worrying about compatibility, and sharing the same values, and whether or not you think you could build a life with them.  

18. 

Tell yourself that if you don’t meet someone by [insert age], then it’s okay to just give up and accept your “fate.”

19. 

Date someone who doesn’t challenge you to think and act and achieve outside of your typical comfort zone.

20. 

Feel as though you’re required to explain yourself to people who want to know why you’re “still” single.

21. 

Compare your relationship(s) up against those of everyone else you know, instead of allowing yourself to just enjoy your story and let it unfold of its own accord.

22. 

Let the rest of your relationships fall to the wayside as soon as you are in a relationship.

23. 

Believe someone when they tell you you’re “crazy” or “dramatic” for needing to talk about your feelings.

24. 

Allow someone else to dictate how you will be treated, rather than deciding it for yourself.

25. 

Continue to stay with someone who only seems to bring out the worst in you, because you’re not sure how to leave at this point.

26. 

Assume that you have to leave your chances at love up to fate, rather than getting out there and searching for it yourself.

27. 

Allow yourself to believe, even for a second, that you are not deserving of love. TC mark

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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