1.
my least favorite movie trope is "people in hospitals waking up and immediately ripping their IVs out" and i will fight it to my dying day
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 28, 2016
2.
Americans love zombies because the mere idea of them justifies keeping loaded guns in your house
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 28, 2016
3.
🎶That fish is / poisson🎶
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 25, 2016
4.
I always forget the name "Josh" is short for "Banjo shop"
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 20, 2016
5.
Musicals are the only legitimate art form, sorry "painting"
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 15, 2016
6.
Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 12, 2016
7.
I'm gonna go binge watch some words (read)
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 5, 2016
8.
Do you guys know of a nasal spray that eases nasal congestion? Asking for Afrin™
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 31, 2016
9.
The fact I'm not a dog is so fucked up
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 8, 2016
10.
Counting calories is so great because it's two fun things in one: self-loathing and math!!!
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 28, 2016
11.
Parenting tip: sneak vegetables into your kids' vapes
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 25, 2016
12.
Autofilling my search is the Google version of mansplaining
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 25, 2016
13.
My thigh gap is a D-cup
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 30, 2016
14.
Porn "Ratatouille": a rat lives in my mouth and gives u a great blowjob
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 19, 2016
15.
I always forget that the name "Nancy" is short for "Pregnancy"
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 17, 2016
16.
If you think setting your clock back 1 hour is a hassle, think of how much it will suck when Trump wins & you have to set it back 100 years
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 13, 2016
17.
I have a wage gap between my thighs
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 22, 2016
18.
Women shouldn't work outside the home. It's STEVE Jobs, not EVE Jobs.
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 8, 2016
19.
I call table tennis "tennis" and tennis "big tennis"
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 7, 2016
20.
I'm only four awards away from an EGOT
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 29, 2016
21.
Spotlight isn't even that funny
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 29, 2016
22.
I imagine Enya concerts are just full audiences of people getting massages
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 28, 2016
23.
My right boob is named "Full House" and my left boob is named "Fuller House" :/
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 22, 2016
24.
If Abe Lincoln were alive today, he'd be 207 years old, 34 feet tall, and SUPER gay
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 13, 2016
25.
Idea: "Celebrity Price Is Right" where Gwyneth Paltrow guesses that loaves of bread cost $460
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 4, 2016
