1. Your friends constantly give you crap for still using iTunes instead of Spotify.
2. And when they ask you why on earth you do this, you’re like “I dunno, because it was already there I guess.”
3. You hate going into the Apple store because you can feel the employees’ hearts breaking when you tell them you don’t care about all that extra “stuff” and you just want a laptop that lets you use Microsoft Word and Gmail and Chrome maybe like two other things.
4. iOS upgrades are the spawn of the devil, and you usually ignore them for a month until your phone finally tricks you into clicking “Install” when you’re half-asleep or drunk.
5. “I’m bad at FaceTime” is a thing you’ve said more than once.
6. You’re always shocked when you see the number of additional apps people have on their phones. You’ve got Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat. Maybe Uber. And that already seems exhausting. You can’t imagine having an app that controls your freaking air conditioner or something that unlocks your car. What strange magic could that possibly be?
7. You instantly try to befriend anyone that works in IT.
8. And if you meet them at a party, it takes all of your willpower not to whip out your phone and beg them to help you with a problem (or several) that you’re having.
9. Autocorrect is Satan and you will never, ever defeat it.
10. When friends try to explain something technological to you and are convinced they’re being helpful, you just let them speak their piece and then instantly forget everything they said.
11. When an older person asks you for help with their phone or computer, you tell them that they probably know more than you do.
12. “How the fuck does The Cloud work?” –you, every day.
13. Watching teenagers communicate is the most terrifying thing you’ve ever seen. And it makes you feel way older than you actually are.
14. You’re really proud of yourself when you figure out how to connect your phone to the Wifi in a place that is not your home.
15. Whenever you have to get a new phone and the salesperson asks you what you’re looking for, you’re like “Something I can use for phone calls and texts?”
16. …And when they start talking to you about storage and gigabytes and The Cloud and the new iOS and security and HotSpots, you just want to run away forever.
17. You have no idea how Netflix is connected to your tv, but as long as it keeps working – as long as everything just keeps working – you don’t care.