23 Hilarious (And Sweet) Jenny Slate Tweets That Will Vastly Improve Your Day
By Kim Quindlen
Perhaps you know her as the co-creator of Marcel the Shell, or as Jean-Ralphio’s sister on ‘Parks and Recreation.’ But regardless of what you know her from, this comedian’s Twitter account is something you cannot miss. Here are 23 of her funniest (and occasionally touching) tweets.
1. Things to do when you can’t get a manicure:
Couldn’t get a mani so I’m solo day drinking in a bar that’s playing Hootie & just acting like none of this is happening
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 14, 2015
2. What to remember when you’re overwhelmed and need some perspective:
I am just a little thing. I am just a little thing. I am just a little thing. I am just a little thing. I am just a little thing.
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 14, 2015
3. A sweet reminder of the joy of loving someone:
A delightful thing about loving anyone is wanting to treat them how they want to be treated&knowing that honoring their preference adds to u
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 14, 2015
4. Björk:
One of the scariest things is that I forgot about bjork for like a year and that’s crazy
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 14, 2015
5. What to do when drunk and alone:
WHY R ALL THESE KIDS IN THESE KIDS IN THIS PARK SO LATE but then it’s like OH WAIT IM DRUNK AND ITS 8:47 IM THE ONE THAT SHOULD SPLIT
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 12, 2015
6. Just LOVE ME:
I sent my husband a really ugly picture of me why isn’t he writing back
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 12, 2015
7. How to handle a life crisis:
Sometimes it seems very possible that nobody will ever talk to me again&in those moments I walk around in huge clothes&buy expensive soaps
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 8, 2015
8. Proof that all monuments look THE SAME:
Every monument thats like a big granite thingy w an old fashioned bronze guy on top w a flag looks exactly the same to me AM I IMMATURE
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 8, 2015
9. How to embrace a healthy lifestyle:
Im having a Bloody Mary at 6:34AM for health reasons and there’s no need to have an opinion about my health
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 4, 2015
10. The way you should feel about sweet old couples:
There’s an old couple across from me. They’re eating cookies and looking around like birds. Everything warms my heart& breaks it a bit too.
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 4, 2015
11. How to survive Monday:
It’s Monday. Do your own thing and be a smarty and be a cutie to yourself and breath the air and start from there.
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 28, 2015
12. The real truth that the moon brings out:
What if the supermoon makes me say truths like”Im so fucking bored of existing in this form.It makes no sense that Im not a wave or cartoon”
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 27, 2015
13. Some thoughts about cats:
The purina catchow ad about the cat who became an despondent bc the owner got engaged is REALLY gonna keep a lot of cat ladies as cat ladies
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 26, 2015
14. How to be other:
So many men around me in this airport are shoving food into their mouths & I feel a deep sense of being very other
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 25, 2015
15. The reason why the best compliments come from dogs:
One of the nicest compliments I’ve ever gotten is how truly upset my dog Reggie gets when he sees me packing my suitcases
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 24, 2015
16. Truth bomb:
Yom Kippur, a day of not eating&saying sorry for every possible thing AKA THE LIFE OF AN AMERICAN ACTRESS, G’NITE YOUVE BEEN A COOL AUDIENCE
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 23, 2015
17. All the feelz:
I guess I’d rather feel heat-blasted by my feelings than sitting in a lukewarm bath of them. Either way, I’m their doting, trained, pet
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 22, 2015
18. PMS described in the most accurate way possible:
Just wading thru classic PMS thoughts like “u r barreling towards disaster” “u will never poop normally” “u r a sucker” “eat gummy candy”
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 20, 2015
19. Smoothie + diarrhea = Republican Debate:
Feels like the banana cacao smoothie I just sucked down will return as diarrhea just in time for the Republican debates tonight
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 16, 2015
20. Fear is the absence of exclamation points:
I’ve gotten to this place: if yr text or email doesn’t have a million !!! I think ur really deeply angry w me for a mystery/shameful reason
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 16, 2015
21. Not LOL-ing at this is impossible:
I just walked up to my husband &said “I have a cool idea!” But then farted by mistake and then just settled with “I actually have to go.”
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 13, 2015
22. How to wear a crop top:
Well i just sweated through a tiny crop top sweater shirt like it was my fucking job.
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 9, 2015
23. The opposite of complaining about air travel:
This is the real sky that I see right now in my real life. Fyi I love being alive&I love people from earth LETS PARTY pic.twitter.com/OKZYYgtLGX
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 4, 2015