17 Signs You’re A Total ‘Parental’ Older Sibling (And Are Perfectly Proud Of It)


1. You cannot count how many times in your life that you’ve used the phrase “Don’t be an idiot” when talking to your younger sibling(s).

2. You’re a pro when it comes to giving pep talks about anything and everything: college, dating, applying for jobs, breakups, financial stuff, learning how to ‘adult,’ etc.

3. Even when you don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re great at faking it and convincing your younger brother or sister that everything is going to be totally fine.

4. You live for posting embarrassing (but in your mind, precious) pictures of your younger bro or sis for #tbt.

5. You frequently play the peacemaker between your younger sibling(s) and your parents.

6. …Meaning that whenever your younger brother or sister does something stupid (which is often), they call you first and beg you to back them up when they have to confess their crime to your parents.

7. And most of the time, you manage to get your sibling off the hook. But not without first telling them fifteen times that they owe you BIG TIME for this.

8. You’re already saying stuff to them like “They didn’t have THAT when I was in school!” And even though this makes you feel old, you can’t help yourself. Because the fact that they’re doing homework on iPads in the middle of class is just nuts.

9. Any significant others that come into the picture are often more scared about meeting you than they are about meeting your mom or dad.

10. And you’re well aware of this. Which means you have way too much fun running a terrifying ‘interrogation’ during the first twenty minutes that you meet them.

11. You’re used to having “checking in” phone calls that always involve you calling your little brother or sister to make sure they are doing well, are happy, are not in jail, have not set their apartment or dorm on fire, are alive, etc.

12. You’ve sent some version of this text message a decent amount of times in your life so far: “Hey dumbass. Call Mom. She misses you and you never call her.”

13. You yell at your siblings all the time for being on their phones too much. Because while you think you’re on your phone too much, they’re on their phones five times longer than you.

14. Which has lead to you saying the phrase, “Go read a book” more times than you’d like to admit.

15. You’ve given some version of ‘the talk’ to your younger brother or sister – about sex, drinking, college parties, responsibility, drugs, whatever – without even planning to. You just instinctively felt the need to do it. Maybe because you knew your version would be so much more useful than that of your parents.

16. But either way, your sibling still gave the same, embarrassed, “Okay, I get it! Please stop talking!” response. And you shook your head in an Oh, kids! kind of way.

17. In your mind, words like dumbass, idiot, goon, goober, moron, dingbat, boob, goofball, knucklehead, stupid, and dork are not insults. They are terms of endearment. Obviously. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I’m a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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