1. You love exploring. You love discovering new cities, cultures, and ways of life. You have an ~*aDvEnTuRoUs HeArT*~
2. But getting to those new places is the worst. You’re either claustrophobic, or you hate flying, or you find airports and train stations stressful. So you’re torn between wanting to be grateful, appreciative, and thankful for the fact that you can travel, and also wanting to knock yourself into a 5-hour, NyQuil-induced coma until it’s all over.
3. Usually, you go with both. You appreciate the experience you’re having, and resolve not to take advantage of the fact that you get the chance to explore new worlds. But in order to get there, you’re never without a stiff drink, a Xanax, or a hearty shot of NyQuil.
4. You always stop in the airport to admire the businessmen and women who have their shit so unbelievably together. The compact suitcase with the computer bag attached. Every single thing fitting into a specific pocket. The ability to move briskly around slow travelers. The casual elegance they emit while drinking a glass of wine and waiting for their flight.
5. Meanwhile, you can barely make it through security without losing everything you own. While they are breezing through, you’re getting pulled aside because you keep beeping, all the while praying that your bag of Combos doesn’t spill all over your purse and that you remember to grab your laptop.
6. Every time you have a trip coming up, you spend weeks, or even months, thinking about it. While you’re riding the subway or making it through the awful 4 o’clock hour at work, you’re daydreaming about all the cool things you’ll get to do, all the delicious food you’ll get to try, etc.
7. …But you’ll still wait until the last damn minute to pack. And then you try to leave on time but then you forget something. And then there’s traffic. But somehow, by the skin of your teeth, you arrive at your gate – sweaty and stressed out and the complete opposite of what you imagine a suave wanderluster looks like.
8. For some reason, you and PreCheck were just not meant to be.
9. You frequently get nervous on flights. And occasionally, a kindly seat neighbor will ask you if this is your first time on a plane.
10. You have to reply, “No, I actually travel a lot.” And then they just awkwardly smile, tell you everything is going to be fine, and look away for the rest of the flight.
11. You’d love to say that you’re a pro at handling jet lag. But in reality, the way you handle jet lag is by getting super cranky, having a meltdown, and then crashing for a 6 hour nap after someone tells you that you need to go ‘sleep this off.’
12. You always buy postcards with every intention of sending them home to friends and family. But then you forget because you’re too busy trying to be alive in another city. Which is why you have an embarrassingly large collection of postcards sitting on your desk in your room.
13. Ideally, since you travel fairly frequently, you would have developed a nice little routine for when you return home: unpacking your suitcase, doing laundry, getting everything back in order within a couple of hours, etc.
14. But you’d rather sit on the couch, catch up with your roommates, and look through all of the pictures you took on your trip. Some call it being lazy or disorganized, that’s fine, you kind of agree. But you prefer to think of it as ‘soaking up the last bit of your adventure.’ Because your unpacked suitcase isn’t going anywhere.