1. You detest salads and healthy food with the same fiery passion that Leslie saves for Sue’s Salads.
2. You’re full of random, odd pieces of information that no one else around you would ever have a use for.
3. There is one comfort food that you have an emotional connection with above all else. Maybe it’s actually waffles. Or cake, or Nutella, or banana bread, or Hot Pockets. Whatever it is, it works. And you can always turn to it in times of need.
4. And if a friend shows up with that comfort food, you know they’ve either screwed up, or they have bad news, or they’re congratulating you about something awesome.
5. Whenever you have a problem and you don’t know how to fix it, you just do a bunch of other productive stuff instead, until you come up with a solution.
6. So when you’re in the middle of a crisis, your friends always end up with freshly baked cookies or homemade cards. Or your room is purged, organized, and cleaned out from top to bottom. Or you finally sort through the mail and take out the trash and Swiffer the kitchen. Basically, if it has nothing to do with your current problem, you’ll do it.
7. And then you discover the solution to your predicament when you’re in the middle of a train of thought, a conversation, or a work matter that has absolutely nothing to do with the problem at hand.
8. Your productivity is simultaneously your greatest strength and biggest weakness. You love working hard and accomplishing things, but your desire to do everything usually leads to you being all over the place – mentally, physically, and emotionally.
9. Most of the time you’re reading three books at once because information is just SO EXCITING.
10. You’re not a really a glass half-full or half-empty kind of person. You’re more like: how many awesome things can we do with all these glasses, anyway?
11. You never stand a fighting chance against someone with a nerdy-esque quality about them. You’re almost always instantly attracted to them.
12. ‘Quiet time’ or ‘relaxation’ is a very, very difficult concept for you to understand.
13. You talk very fast. Mostly because your mouth can never seem to keep up with your brain.
14. You like to put syrup, sugar, ketchup, or generally any unhealthy topping you can think of, on everything you eat.
15. Your friends and coworkers have become experts at telling you to chill the hell out – but in nice, friendly, gentle ways. Because they’re not nearly as excited about your project/idea/undertaking as you are.
16. You can’t buy or do or sign up for just one of something. You can’t buy one candle – you’re buying a set. You can’t sign up for one workout class – why not try a 10-class package? You are not going to do the dishes right now if you can’t also sweep the floor and wipe down all the counters and vacuum the carpets. You have a sometimes-good, sometimes-bad habit of taking one thing and multiplying it by, like, a hundred.
17. You live by this: “We need to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn’t matter, but work is third.”