1. You still love going out with your friends and having fun. The only difference is that at the end of the night, you’ve replaced one-night-stands with Snuggies.
2. You handle dogs the same way you handle babies: with fear, and complete confusion about how to hold them.
3. Now that you’re in your twenties and you don’t give a fuck, you’re okay with – and even happy about – taking on the role of the “weird friend.”
4. If you already own a cat, or plan on owning one soon in the future, you don’t plan on naming it something basic like Chloe or Oliver.
5. No, no. You’re much more interested in giving your cat a human, regal name. Like Purrfessor Dumbledore or Catticus Finch (although you may want to rethink the latter).
6. You complain about people who are like, two years younger than you, and refer to them as “these damn kids.”
7. You also call them: hoodlums, youths, hooligans, goons, children, delinquents, etc.
8. You may have ventured out in slippers to run errands once or twice, or fifteen times. And then one day you look down at work and realize you’re still wearing your favorite UGG slippers.
9. …But like, the fake ones from Target. Because who the hell buys eighty-dollar slippers?
10. If you go to a house party where someone has a cat, you forget to socialize with humans for the first 45 minutes because you’re too busy trying to win the approval of the feline.
11. Any scratches you have on your arms from trying to befriend a cat are viewed as trophies, not scars.
12. Your idea of getting dressed up is putting on jeans.
13. Sometimes you forget that you’re under 60-years-old.
14. You have a bathrobe now. You have no idea where it came from. You’re pretty sure it just appeared in your room one day. It’s terrifying. But also, you now wear it 64% of the time. So it’s great.
15. All your Snapchat stories are of cats. And it’s intentional.
16. You’re already day dreaming about how great your life will be as a 75-year-old lady, when all you do is play cards, drink wine at three o’clock in the afternoon, and hang out with your best friend, whose name will hopefully be Esther.