1. Harry Potter marathons on abcFamily. Because each time Sirius dies, we all die inside. And because an HP marathon happens at least once a month, just like our periods.
2. Bloating. Combine that with living in a time period where skinny jeans are popular, and you get: tragedy.
3. When doctors tell us that exercising will help with our cramps. Telling me to go for a light jog while my uterus is slowly destroying me is more like a death threat than it is helpful advice.
4. Having to get dressed for the day. I have a choice of two colors today: black, or black.
5. Unhelpful boyfriends. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
6. Helpful boyfriends. Damnit I can do it myself!
7. Having to later apologize to helpful boyfriends. Sorry I called you an asshole when you asked if I wanted some tea.
8. Screaming children. You are making me grateful for being on my period right now.
9. Tampon commercials where the models look happy. STOP LYING TO ME.
10. The word ‘menstruation.’ Because it’s the worst.
11. Bizarre combinations of cravings. It is extremely inconvenient that I want to eat both Chinese food and a giant watermelon at the same time.
12. Men asking us if we’re on our period any time we’re pissed off. Sometimes yes. SOMETIMES NO.
13. Traveling. Even you can’t make me laugh, funny Southwest flight attendant.
14. Breathing. Just one more thing we have to worry about.
15. Being hungry forever. Yes, I’ll have eleven Jimmy John’s sandwiches for delivery please?
16. Any commercial that’s even remotely emotional. Thanks, Tylenol commercial with Susan Sarandon voiceover. You have slayed me.
17. Speedbumps. Just an unpleasant reminder that everything hurts.
18. Crying. Because it can happen if something makes me incredibly sad, or if someone simply looks at me the wrong way on the subway.
19. Men who leave angry comments on posts about periods. I don’t care if you think it’s gross. It’s the circle of life, Simba.
20. The summer. Everyone’s happy and smiling. EXCEPT YOU. YOU’RE JUST SWEATING A LOT.
21. Cramps. It’s like someone put the Cruciatus Curse on your ovaries.
22. Smells. Because everything smells bad, even your favorite candle.
23. Netflix. How does your period make something so beautiful… seem so ugly? There are too many choices. It’s too OVERWHELMING.
24. Being at the beach. It’s just not the same. It’s like having thin-crust pizza when all you want is the real deal.
25. Everything. Until next week at least.