Tyler Perry

Tyler Perry Presents: Tyler Perry’s Tyler Perry Tinder Experience by Tyler Perry featuring Tyler Perry.

Zooey Deschanel

Gurgle blarg glasses meow womp. I’m dorky!

Donald Trump

That’s why her hair’s so big. It’s… full of secrets.

Kanye West

I’m just looking for a Kanye that I can love and cherish.

Beyonce

LOL, just swipe left. You have no chance.

Blake Lively

I’m pretty. There, that should be enough.

Rob Kardashian

I sell socks that my mom made.

Kristen Stewart

Oh.

Victoria Beckham

I smile for NO ONE.

Madonna

I’m here, still.

Chris Pratt

The original dad bod. But now I’m hot.

will.i.am

Party. Alcohol. Beats. Cool. Dance. Fun. Hello… Not my interests, just the names of several of my future songs.

Drake

I’m the guy trying to hide my boner in the “Anaconda” video.

Adam Sandler

My acting mantra is: just scream the whole time.

Michael Cera

I’m not sure how I got here. Or anywhere.

Tom from Myspace

Don’t leave me, ever. EVER.

The Rock

I’m a wrestler. Lol, jk.

Ellen Pompeo

I have a knack for looking sad. All the time.

Sarah Jessica Parker

Best known for my role as Sarah Sanderson in 1993’s Hocus Pocus.

John Travolta

You can call me Jeb Tronvolty.

Tom Brady

When I’m single, my heart feels the way my balls do: slightly deflated.