1. When waking up at 8 AM becomes your Mount Everest.
2. Hearing yourself say to young college students, “You know, when I started college, we didn’t have Instagram.” And then feeling old and weird and not that different from your creepy uncle.
3. When the description of an entry-level position still expects you to have 3-5 years of experience. What’s up with that, ma?
4. Thinking you’re finally over your breakup with college… until everybody else heads back in August.
5. Realizing you need an actual, respectable photo for your LinkedIn profile, because the one of you in a tank and neon sunglasses will not suffice.
6. …And just having to maintain a LinkedIn profile in the first place, in which you say things like “Proficient in Microsoft Excel.” (Which is, of course, a lie.)
7. Training your body to be on someone else’s clock for 8-10 hours a day.
8. Realizing that “Only 3 weeks left in the internship!” is no longer a comforting thought after a long day. Instead, it’s “Only 50 more years left of working!” And then you come to terms with the fact that you’re dead on the inside.
9. Having to use bullshit phrases like “deep dive” or “circle back” when you’re at work.
10. Learning about the horrible existence of “action items.”
11. Being hungover the next day after a glass – ONE GLASS – of wine.
12. Having continuous nightmares for weeks and/or months after graduation that you failed one of your exams.
13. Saying “Thanks!” at the end of every single professional email, even though you are thankful for NOTHING.
14. Being tempted to write a cover letter that just says “Please hire me! Please, please, pleaseeee. LOL but like, please.”
15. Learning that Thursday is no longer the new Friday, and weekends don’t actually start until Friday at 5 o’clock.
16. Having to Gchat your friends at work because they’re no longer sitting next to you in class.
17. Having to buy people wedding gifts. And bridal shower gifts. And baby shower gifts. And birthday gifts, because you have adult friendships now… when all you really want to do is buy yourself a pizza.
18. Purchasing a $200 frame for a piece of paper that costs approximately $100,000.
19. Not being Meryl Streep.