1. You don’t actually know what the hell is going on.
Your life is basically a shitshow moving a hundred miles per hour, and you’re just along for the ride, trying to keep up and maintain your own sanity. You’re not sure where you’re going or what your end goal is or why you’re doing what you’re doing, so you’re just trying to roll with it and pretend you’re completely calm and in control.
2. You spend a lot of time talking to yourself and giving yourself pep talks.
You’re on your own now. You still have plenty of support from your family and friends, but this isn’t like college, where you received a pat on the back every time you got an A on a paper. Now, you’re a hell of a lot busier, as is everyone else, and you have to start counting on yourself to get yourself pumped up, to tell yourself you’ve got this, and to convince yourself that everything is going to work out.
3. It feels like you’re repeating the same stuff over and over and over.
Your life is basically like Matthew McConaughey driving in his Lincoln – you’re on the same road forever and you just keep doing and saying the same things repeatedly. Getting up, going to work, coming home, watching Season 97 of The Voice, waiting for Friday, going out with your friends and then needing all day Saturday to recover, whining that you don’t have a butler to do your laundry, crying when Sunday evening comes around, and so on. Lather, rinse, repeat.
4. Everybody gives you advice that doesn’t make any sense.
They get you all pumped up, make you think they’ve got the answer, act like they’re going to give you the advice that’s going to change your life, and then… they say something that makes zero sense and leaves you feeling deflated and cheated and like WTF?
5. You’re always faced with huge obstacles, like a bull in the middle of the road, or student loans.
McConaughey was driving alone, enjoying his Lincoln and trying to mind his own business and then, naturally, a bull showed up in the middle of the road and wouldn’t let him through. It’s just like how you’re trying to survive through your twenties unscathed, but then you get attacked by student loans and medical bills and crazy people you meet on Tinder and bosses you have to pretend to like and friends that aren’t as hot-messy as your college friends. They’re just a bunch of bulls, and you’re forced to turn your Lincoln aka YOUR LIFE around and drive in the other direction.
6. You do all your deep thinking at night, and then you wake up in the morning and are a real person again and you’re like WTF was I thinking?
Sometimes it’s raining or it’s just really late or you’re surrounded by pretty bright lights, and you like to pretend you’re deep and wise and above the life that you’re living. And then you wake up and you have to go to work and pay bills and you’re like – JK I’ll be deep and contemplative later in life when I have money and don’t have to work.
7. You’re alone a lot more so you start saying weird shit out loud to yourself.
You’re no longer living in a dorm surrounded by other fun, young people on all sides, or living in a fraternity/sorority house where you can swing open your door and have someone to hang out with in moments. Instead, you maybe have a roommate or two that you see every once in a while when your schedules converge. Besides that, you have to make a sincere effort to actually have a social life and hang out with friends. So when it’s not the weekend or you don’t have happy hour plans, you’re usually home alone, eating peanut butter out of the jar and saying weird stuff out loud just to make sure your voice still works.
8. Sometimes, you talk really slowly.
But that’s mostly just when you’re hungover… from drinking two (TWO!) beers the night before.
9. When you have a bad day and you don’t know how to cheer yourself up, you end up saying a bunch of vague stuff.
…Like “sometimes you gotta go bayack…. to actually move forward.” What? How does that even help? What does that even mean? Why wasn’t there a class in college called How To Give Yourself Good Advice When Having A Shitty Day so that you don’t have to get all of your life advice from a creepy car commercial? Ah, your twenties. #Bless.