1. Wait… how did Pocahontas learn how to speak English in sixty seconds?
2. Do any of these princesses have noses? Or just a couple of lines that imply a nose exists somewhere on their face?
3. Was the overall theme of Beauty and the Beast supposed to be the dangers of Stockholm Syndrome?
4. Is Aurora’s hair in Sleeping Beauty supposed to look the drawings of Chinese oceans?
5. How are any of these female characters’ eyes that large? They look like gremlins.
6. It’s strange that all the female characters’ hands are impossibly small and the male characters’ hands are like giant monsters.
7. Why does no one in Aladdin have an accent except for the bad guys?
8. How did Disney manage to make lions look attractive in The Lion King?
9. What’s with Disney rarely ever wanting to have both parents be alive or stay alive throughout the entire film?
10. Well… apparently it’s even more distressing to watch Bambi’s mother’s death as an adult than it was as a child.
11. It’s hard to love Beauty and the Beast unconditionally when you realize that Belle is literally falling in love with a being that has a buffalo-shaped head.
12. How can any adult enjoy watching Alice in Wonderland if they’re not on drugs?
13. Esmeralda is a tease and Quasimodo keeps getting his hopes up and this just sucks.
14. Zeus is kind of a moron and it doesn’t make sense that he is the ruler of everyone in Hercules.
15. Naturally, Tarzan learned how to speak English and understand society and human culture in a mere song montage. But actually, wouldn’t he have had to go through intense emotional psychotherapy to get over the fact that he lived with and acted like apes for the first couple decades of his life?
16. Aladdin and Jasmine look more white than Middle Eastern.
17. Cinderella’s glass slipper is actually kind of ugly.
18. Dinner dates at Italian restaurants are nothing like the one that is portrayed in Lady and the Tramp.
19. The training montage in Mulan is not very realistic and looks more like a scene on The Biggest Loser.
20. Peter Pan seems like he’s got some serious psychological issues and somebody needs to get that man/boy in to see a counselor.
21. How does Megara’s hair even stay up in that impossibly large ponytail? Disney is lying to us!