1. People can’t just tell you to “head north” or “head east.” That doesn’t help you in any way whatsoever.
2. The only “north” you really feel sure about is North West, as in… the baby.
3. The only time someone’s directions help are when they are literally sitting right next to you in the car, telling you to “turn right here” and then “wait until you get up to this light. Yes, this one. Coming up. Allllmost there. And turn left here.” Anything that involves less hand-holding than that just means you’re screwed.
4. You hate when people tell you to go “x miles” until you turn left at the light. You have no sense of mileage whatsoever.
5. …Like it would honestly be better if they just told you to drive for three Beyoncé songs and then turn left at the light.
6. Without using a GPS or Google Maps, you’re not actually sure you would have gotten anywhere, ever.
7. Sometimes, you even have trouble finding your table again after you use the restroom when you’re out at a restaurant.
8. Your friends usually add on 15 minutes to the time that you say you’re going to be there, especially if it’s a new location, because they assume you’re going to get lost.
9. There has been more than one time where you have been lost in a parking garage, trying to find your car for over an hour. Especially at the airport.
10. If you enter into a busy and/or large store through one door and exit out another, you are completely thrown off and have to take at least ten minutes to reorient yourself and figure out which way you’re supposed to go.
11. You can never remember which way to exit the mall department store in order to get back to your car in terms of “it was a left around this corner and then a right there.” Rather, you think, “well, there were a bunch of funky-looking colorful socks in the corner, so if I see them, I’m on the right path.”
12. The most confident you ever feel in terms of getting from one place to another is when you’re already inside an airport going from one gate to another. But only because there are signs literally every five feet that are basically saying “Good job! You are nailing this! Just make it another five feet and we’ll give you another arrow telling you that you’re going the right way.”
13. Going on a road trip with friends means you’re always somewhere in the back. You’re not helpful enough to be the navigator in the passenger seat, and your friends would have to be insane to even consider letting you actually attempt to drive the vehicle somewhere.
14. …So usually you’re placed in the back with a pitying “You can do the music!”
15. You hate when people stop and ask you for directions. Not because you don’t want to be helpful, but because you can really only help them if it’s something that’s within two blocks of your home.
16. You’re the person who actually stops at looks at the giant map when you’re inside any kind of mall, atrium, or conference center. You spend at least thirty seconds finding the “YOU ARE HERE” guiding star, and then another five minutes trying to understand exactly which way you need to go to get to the food court.
17. When you think about the fact that people used to be able to figure their way around simply by looking at the sun, you’re like “…lol.”
18. If you ever have to participate in a caravan of cars, people will do anything to make sure you’re somewhere in the middle with some safe padding. If you’re the lead car, everybody’s screwed. If you’re the last car, they know they’ll lose you within twenty-seven seconds. Best to attempt to keep you somewhere in the middle so that the chances of you getting lost go from 100% down to like 74%.
19. Whenever you’re on the phone with friends and they’re trying to help you figure out how to get to them, it’s usually just five minutes of worthlessness. They’ll ask you what cross streets you’re at, and you usually reply with “Umm… there’s a Ruby Tuesday’s on my right?” Most of the time, you honestly just find them – or anything else you’re looking for – by accident.