22 Ridiculous Lies Movies Told Us About Adulthood

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days

1. Adulthood means you’ll have a cool, artsy job that you love, right in the downtown area of your favorite city. You’ll get this job the minute you graduate college.

2. Your hours at said job will usually be 9:30ish to about 4:30, with an hour in-between for lunch. You’ll go to lunch every day with your friends, where you’ll sit on an outdoor patio and laugh and talk about relationships. “Isn’t my life great? But there’s just something missing. Maybe it’s love!”

3. All of your coworkers will be your best friends. You’ll spend your mornings hanging out with them in the kitchen or by your cubicles, never working, while they ask you how your date was from the night before because their sole purpose for existence seems to be talking about your life.

4. It will always be bright and sunny every morning when you wake up. You’ll have time to do a little shopping before work. Maybe you’ll pop into a cute little cafe to grab a coffee. An attractive person in line in front of you will always turn around, flirt with you, and then ask you out. See, dating in adulthood is so simple!

5. You will look perfect the moment you wake up. No need to fuss with your hair, it’s got a beautiful natural wave to it. No need to take a shower, you smell amazing. No need to worry about your complexion, it’s flawless! Just head into your walk-in closet, take off your silk robe, pick out one of your designer outfits, and you’ll be all ready for work!

6. Cities are so small! You’ll run into everyone you know, all the time. They will be thrilled to see you.

7. You’ll be friends with everyone in your apartment complex. They’ll all be young, attractive, and friendly. So whenever you’re feeling bored or lonely, you can just walk across the hall and play video games with the nice guys in 22C.

8. Speaking of your apartment, it will be a gigantic place, containing wood floors, huge windows, your own bathroom, and your bestie sleeping in the room right beside you. It will be in a fantastic location overlooking some kind of river or park, and there will be a coffee shop directly below you.

9. You’ll be able to easily afford this apartment with your entry-level salary in your early to mid-twenties.

10. Your massive bedroom will look like something straight out of a Pottery Barn Catalog.

11. You will see your friends every single night after work. You’ll always have the energy to go with them to cool art gallery openings or to attend happy hour at the hip, local neighborhood bar.

12. …you will not get home from work, change immediately into pajamas before the door is even closed, watch tv for 5 hours, order take-out, go to bed, and then wake up and do it all over again the next day. Your life will be way more interesting than that.

13. You’ll go to a spin class several times a week before you head into work. All of your besties will be at the class with you and all they will want to talk about is you.

14. On the weekends you’ll go on jogs, but only in beautiful parks with a view of the city skyline.

15. Some of your most meaningful and eye-opening conversations about your life will take place in-between plays at your co-ed flag football game that happens every Saturday at 10 am. No one is ever hungover.

16. Whenever there’s an exclusive party or event, you’re always on the VIP list, for some reason.

17. You always inexplicably have about five glorious hours to kill before you have to go into work.

18. …so don’t worry, you have time to sit and have breakfast with your roommate, or to go hang out with the guys next door before you have to get going.

19. You’ll have a ton of cool and awesome hobbies that you always have time for, like cooking classes, an intramural sports team, jewelry making, and hiking.

20. Money is never an issue. If you need to buy a last-minute flight somewhere, or you need a ball gown for that charity benefit tonight, you can swipe your credit card without any worries about debt.

21. You’ll have an adorable puppy that waits patiently while you sit on a park bench and read an Ernest Hemingway 22 [adj] Lies Movies Told Us About Adulthoodbook.

22. An attractive stranger’s puppy will come up to your puppy and start playing with it, which will naturally lead to you and this stranger getting married and living happily ever after. TC mark

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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