19 Things That Happen When You Date A Sports Fanatic And Know Nothing About Sports

Fever Pitch
Fever Pitch

1. You know enough about the big time players of various sports to get by – Lebron James, Kobe Bryant, Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Ryan Howard. But he often seems to forget your knowledge is limited, and he’s always surprised at the blank face you have when he tries to talk to you about people you’ve never heard of before.

2. You don’t even care that he pretty much ignored you for the entire time at the Super Bowl party you guys went to. Because you were there for the food and, more importantly, to watch the half-time show.

3. …and you’re glad he was off in his own world, arguing with his friends about things you find boring and uninteresting. Because you got a chance to watch the (drunk? confused? blind? uncoordinated? high?) shark dancing in Katy Perry’s performance.

4. You try to be nice when you guys go out to eat by letting him sit on the side of the table that faces the tv, so he can watch whatever game is on.

5. …or maybe it’s not that you’re being nice – you just don’t feel like dealing with him getting a neck injury from snapping his head around every five seconds to catch the score.

6. You’re perfectly open and comfortable about your complete lack of knowledge when it comes to sports. And a lot of times, when you straight up admit that you have no idea what he’s talking about, he finds it funny anyway.

7. When you’re at a social gathering, you get to watch certain girls, who know nothing about sports, try and pretend like they know a lot so that the guys think they’re cool. You know, the girl who says things like, “Come on, Ref! What the hell was that call!” and then looks around and tries to appear mad.

8. You love when his team wins, mostly because it means he’ll be extra happy for a couple of days.

9. And you understand that when his team loses, there’s pretty much nothing you can do to save his mood. So usually, you hand him a beer and then you go and have fun elsewhere.

10. Even though you pretty much know nothing about sports, you’re not an idiot. You can watch a football game and understand what’s generally happening. So sometimes you’re tempted to punch him in the face when he turns to you with an amused expression and says “Do you know what a first down is?”

11. You like to annoy him by pretending you only know about certain athletes because they’re married to celebrities. “Is Lamar Odom good? He was married to Khloe Kardashian for a while.”

12. And sometimes, when you’re in a really goofy mood and you feel like being a menace, you’ll say something along the lines of “I don’t think Jay Cutler is a good athlete because I feel like sometimes he’s mean to Kristen Cavallari.” His reaction is gold. Always.

13. You love that he can never make fun of you for how excited you get about the Golden Globes or the Oscars, because he acts the exact same way about the ESPYs.

14. If you’re out at a restaurant and he’s trying to explain a play to you, you know without a doubt that he will use the salt, pepper, sugar packets, and whatever the hell else he needs to set up his three-dimensional explanation. You let him do it because you can tell he gets super excited every single time.

15. You thank God every day that he isn’t a huge fan of golf.

16. The “decorations” in his apartment are usually just various banners, posters, and flags of his favorite athletes and teams. You’ve accepted the fact that his room now probably looks the same as it did when he was ten.

17. You’ve started to accidentally retain the names of athletes. Most of the time you have no clue who they are, what they play, or what they look like, you just know the name from hearing him bring it up so many times.

18. Even though your feelings about sports fall at completely opposite ends of the spectrum, you can both agree that Rookie of the Year, The Big Green, and The Sandlot are some of the best sports movies, and/or movies in general, that have ever graced this earth.

19. But most importantly of all, regardless of how you feel about sports, you understand the cultural significance and utter awesomeness that is Space Jam. Games may sometimes bore you, but you would watch Space Jam with him any time, any place. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I’m a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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