1.

Snow is beautiful
for five seconds. Then I hate
it and everyone.

2.

Hello Doritos.
Please make me forget it’s cold.
I love food comas.

3.

I will sit in bed.
I will never leave the house.
Like Charlie’s grandpa.

4.

Drinking enough wine
To forget that I’m freezing.
Bags on bags of Franz.

5.

I remember when
I considered dieting.
LOL. Summer.

6.

Oh, how beautiful.
A snowflake. And look, here comes
sixty million more.

7.

Feels like a snow globe.
Help me. I’m trapped in a glass
ball of emotion.

8.

Almost ready. Just
need my coat, gloves, hat, scarf, socks,
earmuffs and sadness.

9.

I can count on you,
public transportation. Oh,
JK LOL.

10.

Good morning, jogger.
I’m not standing here, hoping
You’ll fall on your ass.

11.

It gets dark by 4.
So it’s not my fault that my
body is now soft.

12.

“Winter reminds us
to appreciate summer <3”
Shut up, Tumblr post.

13.

Winter: love child
of Voldemort and Satan.
Goodbye, happiness.

14.

Snow was invented
by Hershey’s. To keep us all
fat and depressed. Bye.

15.

“There’s a party at
the bar. Everybody put
your… big, warm coats on.”

16.

Day drinking can get
awkward when the sun sets at
three o’clock pm.

17.

I’m not usually
a complainer. Except for
October through March.

18.

Goodbye, face. I’m not
sure if you’re still part of my
body. I can’t feel.

19.

My bladder’s full. I’ll
hold it. Too much effort to
put clothes all back on.

20.

It feels so warm out!
Oh, just kidding. It’s just not
in the negatives.

21.

Winter makes me cray.
Like the girl in “Chandelier.”
Except I don’t move.

22.

Walk like a penguin.
You look less stupid than if
you were to wipe out.

23.

Spring means joy, smiles,
and an extra ten pounds. Where
did that come from? Shit.