26 Steps For Winning The War Against Basicness

1. Stop taking selfies in public.

2. Don’t tweet about being #blessed, unless you’re being ironic. (Either way I still can’t deal with you.)

3. If you’re laying by the pool or the beach and you take a picture of the view, don’t include your awkward fat foot in the bottom corner.

4. If you make a PicStich for your friend’s birthday, she has to look good in at least one of the photos, not just you.

5. If you make a PicStich for your friend’s birthday, you both have to be doing something other than the skinny arm in at least one of the poses.

6. Don’t make your Facebook status something along the lines of “Worst day ever. Don’t ask me why :(” or I will sentence you back to the land of Xanga.

7. On October 3rd, don’t make your Facebook status “On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was. It’s October 3rd.”

8. Don’t upload a picture of you doing something awesome and caption it “Another casual day at the office” because you are being FACETIOUS and I HATE YOU.

9. Don’t upload a picture of a Starbucks drink. Unless you acknowledge your basicness. Then it’s completely okay. I don’t know why. But those are the rules.

10. No more duck face. No more. Just Let. It. Die.

11. If you’re a vegan, don’t talk about it. You’re ruining cheeseburgers for everyone else.

12. Don’t post a picture of yourself with a Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn quote beneath it.

13. Don’t refer to your boyfriend as “bae” if you’re over 16-years-old.

14. Remember to stop after the 5th hashtag on your Instagram photo.

15. Don’t text someone back “K” ever because you’re wasting everybody’s time.

16. Only upload one photo of you wearing a chunky scarf and a cute peacoat per week, please. Don’t use the hashtag #winteriscoming

17. If you make it your Snapchat story, don’t ALSO send it to me individually. Relax. I will look at it if I want to.

18. Don’t quote scripture in your status one day and throw shade at somebody the next.

19. Drink as much coffee as you want. But don’t tell everyone how much you love coffee. Because we know. Because EVERYONE ELSE feels the same way.

20. No more pictures of you fake-laughing with your friends.

21. You’re allowed to get excited about anything and everything Beyoncé does, but don’t overdo it.

22. Do not ever write out Beyoncé’s name if you’re going to forget the accent on the “e”.

23. It is, however, okay to forget that Khloé Kardashian has an accented “e” in her name though.

24. If someone asks you to describe yourself, do not say “I think I’m a Miranda!” or “For the most part I’m a Charlotte… but sometimes I can be a Samantha! LOL!” No.

25. Do not use the word “bye” to actually bid farewell to someone. You may only use it when something is too much to handle, when you’re over a conversation, when you are too lazy to write anything else in your comment on your friend’s latest Insta, etc. For example, if someone asks you if you’re excited for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, you may simply reply “bye” and all will be understood.

26. Go to Zumba class as much as you want, but no play-by-plays please. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – Mean Girls

I’m a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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