1. Stop. When someone is telling a story and you just can’t handle it. Or when your friend tells you something and you don’t believe that they’re serious. Or when you’re watching a movie together and you need some way to convey your shock at what’s happening.
2. Literally. It never means literally. It pretty much always means the opposite of literally. You aren’t literally going to kill someone after your long day at the office. He’s not literally the hottest man you’ve ever seen. You aren’t literally going to eat that entire cake. (Okay, maybe though.) For the most part, literally is just a beautiful little word that lets your friends know that this is for real and you mean business.
3. I can’t. You’re done. You are so done. When something happens that’s just too exciting or too funny or too ridiculous or too awful or too unbelievable or too embarrassing or too horrible, you just have to let your friends know that you literally can’t. Nothing else has to be said. They get it. It’s the most important phrase in the dictionary of basic bitches.
4. It’s everything. For when your friends ask you your opinion on something and you have to let them know it’s everything you wanted or needed or expected or hoped for. It can range from your thoughts on the Golden Globes to your reaction to Beyoncé’s latest single to your amusement from a text they sent you. You tell your friends “it’s everything” and they know exactly what you mean.
5. Really, though. When you kind of need to be a bitch, and it’s in your friend’s best interest. You use this segue when you think they need to get their shit together or you feel like they’re being a bad friend or you feel like they’re doing something to embarrass themselves. As in, “Lindsey. Really, though. You have to stop crying every time you drink tequila.”
6. I’m dying. I’m actually dying. For when it’s just too much. It doesn’t matter if you find something completely hysterical or completely horrible or totally amazing. Tell your friends you’re dying and they will not question how heavily affected you are by the current circumstance.
7. Any quote from Mean Girls: It doesn’t have to be one of the more memorable ones or one of the funnier ones. It can be as simple as saying “The limit does not exist!” It doesn’t have to make sense and it doesn’t have to fit into the context of your conversations. Your friends get it anyways. Because, Mean Girls.
8. I mean… Pretty much your way of giving fair warning that you’re about to say something really bitchy. “I mean…” is usually an attempt to make it seem less bitchy, but most of the time it only adds to the effect. As in, “I mean… I guess you can wear that. But I was already planning on wearing something similar. It’s fine though. No, really.”
9. Not speaking at all. The beauty of close friendships is sometimes you don’t have to say anything at all, and they just get you. You can convey feelings in an eye roll, or in a dramatic wave of your hand, or in the way you scarf down your Chinese takeout without pausing to breathe so that your bestie knows you’re depressed about something and this is not a drill.
10. Emojis. Okay so emojis aren’t statements. But like, they also are. The Princess is self-explanatory. The painting-your-nails says that you’re over it or you don’t give a shit. The salsa dancer is something along the lines of yay I’m excited or I wanna get drunk or let’s explore America’s cultural diversity by going salsa dancing tonight. If need-be, you can have an entire conversation purely in emojis.
11. Bye. Most of the time, this never actually has to do with saying good-bye to someone. When you say “bye” your besties know that you’re not going anywhere. You’re just over it or you don’t feel like responding or you totally agree or you’re just not surprised.
12. On point. Whether it’s your eyebrow game or your choice of music as the designated car DJ or your Snapchat story, this is how your friends tell you that they are proud of you over something stupid.
14. Oh my God this group photo is so cute! Translation: I look really good in this photo so I’m really happy about it. I’m not sure how anyone else looks in this photo because I didn’t bother to glance at anyone besides myself. So I’d say overall this group shot was a success.
15. I dunno, the lighting is like weird or something in this photo. We should retake it. Translation: I look bad in this photo. I don’t give a shit how good you look. Do not post it anywhere or I will slay you.
16. ‘Gram it. When you take a picture with your bestie and it’s a success. You love it. She loves it. And you both look like you’re having way more fun than EVERYONE ELSE in the world. So you use this phrase as an annoying way to reassure her that you’ll put it up. Because if there’s not a picture, it didn’t happen.
17. Well, he’s like a nice guy, though. You can’t think of anything else good to say except for the fact that he’s nice. Either you’re talking on Tinder or you went on a date or you know him through mutual friends. And you find him boring and not interesting, but just nice enough that you are forced to question if you’re being too picky at this point. And if you know a guy you want to set up with a friend and you describe him as “nice”? Don’t even bother. She knows what nice means. Bye.
18. Thirsty. People are thirsty for a lot of things. Success. A boyfriend. Attention. Money. Someone else’s boyfriend. Likes. A new job. All you need to do if you’re being shady about someone with your best friend is say “they’re thirsty” and she knows exactly what you mean.
19. The struggle is real. You could be talking about anything. Your hangover. Your tough job. The time Christina Aguilera didn’t wear pants on The Voice for an entire season. Whatever is is, your friend knows you are not in a good place when you text this to her.