1. Sometimes you feel like you are the reluctant source of entertainment when you’re hanging out with your friends. It often feels like they’re all just sitting there waiting for you to say or do something ridiculous. But you’re just trying to enjoy your fries and your beer without saying something inappropriate or making someone cry.
2. Sometimes your friends crack up when you inappropriately blurt things out, but sometimes they get really offended. And you have no way to predict which way they are going to react.
3. People often can’t tell if you’re being serious or you’re joking. You’re open about everything and you never hold anything back, and sometimes you’re so honest that people think you can’t possibly be serious. Your friends are used to you being up front, so they’ll believe anything you say, even if it’s completely insane and ridiculous.
4. You’re the friend that people describe by saying “Just wait until you meet so-and-so. They’re hilarious!” So then you’re introduced to your friend’s friend, and they just sit there staring at you like you’re an animal in the zoo, waiting for you to do something crazy or say something nuts.
5. The struggle is real during job interviews. Sometimes your answer to a simple question like “What is your biggest weakness?” turns into a long-winded story about that time you got in trouble for underage drinking in high school. And you have no idea how you got to this point, or where you’re headed. But you just Can’t. Stop. Talking.
6. Talking to someone in person is much different for you than talking via text or any other device. When you’re texting or chatting with someone on your computer, you have a chance to look at what you’re saying and stop your words from tumbling out of your mouth uncontrollably. But the minute you’re talking to someone in person, you suffer from severe Word Vomit.
7. Going on a date is a nightmare for you. You want to be yourself, but then you get in your own head, worrying that you’re talking too much about random things, like your kickball team or Serbia. Your date could ask a question as simple as “What do you like to do in your spare time?” and you somehow end up on a 20-minute rant about Adam Sandler movies.
8. You get anxiety any time you are around older adults. Because things you talk about or words you use around your friends are often not okay in the company of elders. And it’s just awkward for everyone.
9. You hate going to parties or social gatherings of any kind, because you know you’re going to say something to insult somebody. And you will have no clue you upset someone until it gets back to you later. And at that point, it’s too late to apologize. (It’s too late… eh, eh, eh).
10. Sometimes you’ll say something completely normal and uninteresting, like “I need some ketchup for this burger” and your friends act like it’s the funniest thing in the world. They basically act like you’re the most entertaining person in the universe, no matter what you say or do, so you sometimes don’t even bother to try to be interesting.
11. You occasionally weird people out with how openly you talk about your life and your personal experiences. But you don’t give it another second’s thought. If you want to talk about your messy break-up or your dysfunctional family, that’s exactly what you’re going to do. They can walk away if it freaks them out that much.
12. People always come to you for advice, and they count on you to be honest. Even if means that you have to answer an extremely uncomfortable question. Your friends count on you to tell them the things they need to hear, and you feel pressured to tell the truth, even if you come off sounding mean or harsh.
13. Your life is a constant battle of flirting the line between being honest versus being inappropriate.
14. Whenever you open your mouth, people immediately look like they’re expecting some kind of show. You just say something like “It’s cold outside” and they still laugh for some reason.
15. You have a hard time not acknowledging things that are weird or abnormal or inappropriate or unintentionally funny. Particularly in social settings, when something weird or funny or strange happens and most people are inclined to ignore it or pretend they didn’t notice, you feel the need to acknowledge it and talk about it immediately.
16. Yes or no questions are just not a thing for you. You cannot give one-word answers. It’s not an option. Everything requires a completely unnecessary explanation, and you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that that will never change.