19 Signs You’d Be In Slytherin Even If You’re Not Evil

1. You have a hard time not thinking of most people you encounter as “basic.”

2. You think it’s funny when other people injure themselves, but only if it’s harmless. Because if they actually got hurt, you’d have to waste time worrying about them instead of thinking about yourself.  

3. You’d choose to watch The Blacklist over The Bachelor any day. 

4. You’re extremely blunt, and you believe it’s for the best. 

5. You don’t bother with small talk. 

6. You don’t pretend to like someone if you think they suck. 

7. You rooted for Snape from the beginning.

8. When you need to cheer yourself up, you watch the YouTube video of the news reporter falling over while trying to stomp grapes. 

9. Sometimes when people start crying, you start laughing because you feel uncomfortable and you don’t know what else to do.

10. You tend to enjoy scheming up plans, especially when you’re drunk. 

11. You never like anybody’s Instagram photos but they always like yours. 

12. You avoid talking about feelings at all costs. 

13. You roll your eyes during cheesy dialogue in romantic comedies. 

14. You don’t feel the need to have tons of acquaintances. You just need a few solid friends you can trust. 

15. You don’t like inspirational posters. You think they’re overrated and kind of stupid. 

16. You’re good at manipulating people. 

17. You’ve never quoted Marilyn Monroe on any of your social media profiles. 

18. You’ve never been described as “bubbly” or “perky.” And you would hate it if you were. 

19. Your friends have told you before that you’re totally a Slytherin, and instead of being offended, you were flattered. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – Harry Potter

I’m a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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