17 Thoughts Everybody Has When Someone Posts Their Engagement On Facebook
By Kim Quindlen
1. Ugh.
2. Am I actually happy for them or am I fake-happy for them?
3. How did they get that photo of the actual proposal? Was someone lurking in the bushes?
4. Why does she look so shocked about the fact that he’s proposing? He’s in a blazer and she’s basically wearing a ball gown. Girlfriend has to have known what was up.
5. Thank God for my iPhone’s zoom-in features so I can see how big the ring is.
6. You can’t wait to marry your best friend? I’m done.
7. I guess I should “like” their status in case I ever get married. Then they’re obligated to “like” mine back.
8. I can’t wait to critique their engagement photos while I’m laying in my bed and cuddling with a piece of pizza.
9. I’m guessing she’s the type that will make her friends throw her a lingerie party and a bachelorette party and a wedding shower and an engagement party and a pre-honeymoon-party and a post-honeymoon party.
10. I wonder if her fiancé knows about the four years’ worth of Pinterest wedding boards she has.
11. I guess now I should prepare for all the “congratulations” posts her friends are gonna make that involve a flattering photo of themselves that she also happens to be in.
12. This is the worst. I wish Dunkin’ Donuts delivered.
13. Maybe if I write a nice comment on their status they’ll invite me to their wedding and I can get drunk for free.
14. I already hate their wedding hashtag and I don’t know what it is and I don’t care. But if it involves the phrase “party of 2” I quit.
15. I can’t look at any more photos of people kissing or I will burst into flames.
16. She’s totally going to post a photo of him on #MCM and I’m going to throw up.
17. I should probably invest in some cats in case my future involves being forever alone while I judge more of these happily engaged couples.