8 Dysfunctional, Yet Very True Things I’ve Learned From Modern Dating

Let’s all admit it, there’s a time when all your friends started getting in a relationship and you’re there, sitting on your couch with a pizza in your hand feeling lonely and alone. So you go out there, nope, not outside your house but out to the virtual reality.

Yes, you grab your phone and install that dating app hoping that maybe, just maybe, you’ll find your self-worth by picking your best angled photos with an impressive description about how much you love Harry Potter and cats and who the fuck cares because all they’re going to look at is if you have big tits, a face of an angel and a body of a Victoria secret’s model.

You sit there waiting for a match and when you do, your imaginary confidence meter goes up a bit. I personally tried it and this is what I learned.

1. You are being liked based on how you look
and believe me when I say it is more intimidating to think that when the guy you ‘super liked’ haven’t liked you back in days or worse, months you start thinking am I really that ugly? Am I not pretty enough? You see, you start feeling less of a person. But also this hot guy liked you. I mean, come on, do you really think that guy really likes you? Probably yes, because you’re cute in that pink tank top but you’re also like the 100th girl in a pink tank top he liked today. SURPRISE!!

2. Ghosting is very common.
So he messaged you, and then suddenly you noticed you have been talking consistently for over a week now, you’re so happy about how good it’s going. Until one morning, you woke up, checked your phone if he already texted, nothing. Waited until lunchtime because come on, you know he always wakes up late but still, no text. And then dinner came and still nothing.

So you’re left with too many questions in your head, maybe a couple of glasses of wine too. But you see, you always end up asking yourself what you did wrong and not getting it answered because where are they now? Gone with the wind! Because accept it, that girl who’s hotter than you is just a swipe away, and yes, she has abs! duh!

3. You don’t get called by your name.
Call me old school, but wouldn’t life be so much sweeter if the guy you like would say “Hey Kim, would you want to go watch Dead Pool tonight?” but instead you get a “hey sexy, wanna smoke and a coupla hangs?” I’m not saying a night out with this guy smoking wouldn’t be fun but seriously dude? My name is just a 3 letter word.

But guess what? That’s what it is! I mean, you’re on a dating app what do you expect, a romantic book reading on a hammock overlooking the sunset? Nah. Shakespear is already dead!

4. You are easy to replace.
If you don’t reply to their text right away, unmatch! If you got busy because obviously, there are far more important thing you have to do rather than wasting your time on a dating app, unmatch! Who told you they’d stop swiping right to others girls even after you both matched and already talking? That’s how the game is played.

5. They lie about you. So you guys went out one night, then another night, and another night. Finally, he asked you if he can take you with him to his friend’s party. You said yes. And there you are being introduced. Friend #1 asks “so where did you guys meet?” he answers “oh we met just around the corner” or “we met at a bar somewhere” because Tinder or OkCupid is so desperate! And of course he doesn’t want his friends to know he’s on there.

6. Chances are you’re not the only girl he’s going out with
. Because who are you, his one true love? This isn’t a story in a book. And apparently, Colleen Hoover is not writing your love story. Stop hoping that the right guy is the one who will magically appear on your choices on that app. He might actually have an actual girlfriend, who knows?

7. Hey, DTF? Yes! Time to wake up! This place is a pile of guys who haven’t got laid in a while. They’re either just bored people who like talking to random strangers when they’re lit or just plain horny who want to hook up.

8. You don’t get asked how your day was.
They’d simply say “hey, sup?” and when you say you’re doing good their reply would just be “ok. Nice”. What ever happened to long talks at night sharing stories and jokes that never get old? It’s very rare that you find someone who’d listen to your lame stories about how hard it is to get to the metro or how long the line was at Walmart. And when you ask them about how their day went by he’ll say it was okay and that means, I haven’t seen much girls worth swiping today.

So if you’re still thinking about it, forget it!
You more deserve to be taken out on a nice date and not just a swipe. Do not go out there and look for your self-worth (yes I’m talking about the modern dating world). You know deep down your heart your own worth and no amount of swipe can change that. Your Father already told you that, remember? And so what if everyone on your facebook friends list are ‘in a relationship’? Believe me, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with that guy you met on Tinder either.

A real man is out there. So go out, in the real world. Don’t rush because you know what they say “True love is worth the wait.” That guy who will call you by your name in the sweetest voice possible is just out there, and who knows? He might in a bookstore, along the rom-com hallway where you’re at. *wink* TC mark

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