I recently saw this article about questions you should ask before you marry someone. Obviously it was a love-related, soppy blog that I found it quite naïve, boring and unrealistic. Some people have fantasies that life is a fairy tail, based in utopia filled with love and peace. But it’s not.
I’m sorry to burst your bubble but love does not prevail over everything.
Life is a harsh reality and in the case of a long-time relationship ‘love’ is rarely the deal beaker. Shit happens, circumstances change and you need to know what your wife/husband will do when circumstances arise. If you believe in love and destiny then close this tab, I don’t have time for you. If not let’s get down to business.
These are the 9 questions (not 15, I have a life unlike a lot of bloggers) that you need to ask your fiancée prior going full steam ahead into a life-long commitment.
1. Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
NOTHING is certain in life, if you cannot be adults and talk honestly about money matters then don’t bother. This is not about being paranoid, lacking trust or greed. This is preparing for the worst, love is not an excuse to cast caution to the wind.
2. How many people have you slept with?
Let me make this clear. The number it self should not define whether you’re with them. There’s a lot more to this than simply accusing your other half of being a slut/man-whore. The point of this question is to gauge YOUR reaction. For example, how does that initially make you feel? If this makes you uneasy then you need you look at yourself and assess whether you can deal with that.
Everyone has a history and additional baggage. Both of you need to have a truthfully complete perception of each other, so you know what exactly you are dealing with. This is better than playing ignorance for years to come.
3. How many kids do you want?
Look. If you are going to marry them, I assume you are going to start family with them. Every additional child has the potential to strain to your relationship. Family life affects your career, your relationships, and your life. Consider setting boundaries or at least discuss the future before entering it.
4. How are we splitting the mortgage?
The days of the man being the sole breadwinner are over. Money matters need to be ironed out EARLY as possible. Or you can try “wing it” then find yourself sleeping on your mothers sofa because you two can’t agree on who pays child costs when rent’s due.
5. Do you have a gym membership?
Ok, this is a bit silly. The real question(s) is actually more complex and open: How do you view your health and fitness in terms of lifestyle? Do you eat too much? Do you exercise enough? Are you disciplined enough to maintain a healthy body?
When one within a couple starts to “let go”, this causes tensions which then causes problems. You cannot expect your partner to ride out for you when you turn into a balloon over the space of six months. Don’t get mad when your boyfriend’s search history starts looking like Pornhub’s dream team when your dress sizes are inflating. It is up to YOU to stay attractive, love is not 100% spiritual, people have hormones, cravings, urges and habits. Don’t add unnecessary complications where there doesn’t need to be.
As a guy, if my girl starts to put on massive amounts of weight then she just voided the contract. Why? Because I married a well-groomed, healthy, beautiful lady, not a weight-watcher.
6. How good is our sex life?
Deep down, we all know sex is important in a relationship. Remember, the sex has to last you a lifetime so it needs to be more than ‘okay’. It needs to be high quality with no expiration date because that returns policy is expensive. So if needed, buy a Kuma Sutra, get some expert advice or Google some tips, honestly just make it work. Or do you want to commit to a lifetime of fake orgasms?
7. Do you still have dormant feelings for your ex?
I honestly feel for Big Sean, like seriously! He was about to marry his girl then she dumps him and goes BACK to her ex. What can we learn? BEWARE of exs and even ‘close friends’ who happen to be the other gender. Both of you need to be honest about harbouring feelings because they do fester. Some people can’t afford to be the one he or she settled for.
8. Would you relocate for your career?
You’ve got to know where your partner’s priorities lie. Yes, some distant relationships work but you have to acknowledge the fact that there is a high likelihood that distance will have a side effect on yours.
If you are both ambitious and care about your careers who is going take the hit when one gets promoted and relocated to the other side of the world? How far are you willing to go to maintain this romantic fellowship?
9. Do your friends and family like me?
For guys especially, you got to know who is cock-blocking you in the shadows. There is a reason why you have to ask a girl’s father for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Not just family but friends too. We all know misery loves company and if her best mate has a grudge against you, please believe that she would throw you under the bus the moment you fuck up. You got to squash all the beef with her close ones and call a truce. It’s just not worth the hassle.
So that’s it. The REAL questions you should be asking. Life is brutal so it only makes sense that you are brutally honest about the state of your relationship before you embark on this journey with the love of the life. Life is LONGEST thing you’ll ever do, so choose wisely who you going you spend the rest of it with.