What It’s Like To Break Up With A Sociopath

Neil Krug
Neil Krug

It’s not like I broke up with him so I don’t understand why he’s always so mad and going out for vengeance and speaking so ill about the situation. He broke up with me but the way we broke up was all my fault.

I planned the break up, I planned how he was going to break up with me, and I called his reaction to everything. He’s a narcissist, if it isn’t about him he doesn’t care about the topic. If he isn’t getting attention he’ll ignore you for weeks. And that’s what I was going to do. We used to spend days upon days with each other and sometimes it felt like we were inseparable. Until one day I had enough of the fights and the yelling and most of all him manipulating his way out of everything and making me feel like the bad person. I went to spending 8 hours a day with him to 30 minute a day and I refused to see him in person during those days. I’d tell him I was busy with work and school and had no time anymore. Special projects were going on, I agreed to tutor someone, a study group was formed, work made me too tired to do anything. I was such a coward, and people always asked why I didn’t just end it with him?

I spent 11 months with this guy, I listened to his stories, listened to others, and I put two and two together. If it was unfair to him, he went out for vengeance. He did whatever he could to ruin someone. I liked my life how it was, I loved my friends, and good things were coming my way but the only thing that stood in the way was the guy I learned to hate.

He wasn’t getting the attention he wanted and within 2 weeks he wanted to break up. I was really happy to pack my things and return his things. I thought it was the end to such an awful relationship, but I was wrong. He kept pestering me and trying to inflict emotions upon me. It’s like he wanted to see me cry and beg for him back, but it didn’t turn out the way he wanted it to. I left, packed my things, and went back to my life when he wasn’t in it. I reunited with old friends, I reunited with an old crush and the feeling he brought to me was something new. He looked at me with care, he held my hand gently, he spoke softly to me, and every time I asked him why he waited so long to tell me how he felt his response was ìYou were smiling and I only wanted you to be happy.î It was a start of a new chapter in my life, but something was coming my way and it wasn’t pretty.

My ex found out about my new beau and he almost lost it. He left countless messages: You’ll never get over me,î ìI live in your head rent free and I’ll be all you think about,î ìThe only person you really love is me,î

He was full of himself and it was an displeasure in my life. I agreed to sit down and talk to him, what came out of the conversation made me realize why I was so happy without him. ìI got the short end of the stick,î ìI refuse to waste 11 months of life with no payoff, There’s no walking away really, we both know I live in your head rent free,î ìYou awoken a spiteful person,î

In a sense I understood why he was acting this way. I moved on long ago from him and found someone new along with reconnecting with old friends he hated. He felt easily replaced and he was still brooding over this break up we had.

The conversation we had didn’t help much, we answered each other’s questions and I was honest with him. Why I left him. I was unhappy, I spent more of my days crying than being happy, I felt insecure with him, and I felt like my freedom was taken away. However, he kept sending me malicious messages, whether it’d be on social media, text messaging, or e-mails, he never stopped. It almost got to the point our whole group of friends were in it. He said, she said stories were told and eventually enough they contributed to his awful behavior.

It was time for my next move, it almost felt like I was living in a really bad movie with an obsessive ex but it was my reality. I had an obsessive ex and really bad friends that got into a break up they were never included in. I changed my number, disabled all my social media, changed my e-mail, and made sure that if I was searched for online nothing would give up my new contact information. He’d have to leave me alone then.

It didn’t stop, it turned out the whole entire time he was asking his friends to seduce my new beau. He wanted to hurt me no matter what, whether it’d be my social life to my love life he wanted to make sure I suffered with him. I lost friends because of him, I was the bad person in this situation when all I really wanted was a peace of mind and for me to live happily with the simple things I had in my life.

My life went smooth after he got tired of everything, so I assumed he did. Life went back to normal for a few months until I found people from the past popping up left and right. Arguments were flying left and right, old fights were coming back to light, and what did it all have in common? They befriended my ex. I let myself be vulnerable around this guy while I dated him and he turned it all back on me. I deserved this and I expected this. Nonetheless, they were fighting his battle unknowingly.

Everything was taken away from me; my privacy, my dignity, and my life. My accounts got hacked, my conversations monitored, private things released about me, and he went as far as saying I was indecent looking in front of a webcam with him (Webcam Sex – in which I never would do a thing. I was raised in a very traditional Asian culture.) I felt at that moment he wasn’t going to stop until I suffered enough, until I cried enough tears. Taking away my privacy and monitoring my online conversations was enough for me have a little fit and cry.

He eventually admitted to a mutual friend he was keeping tabs on me by other friends. After hearing that information I was quick to cut people out of my life, I needed it and most of all I wanted my privacy back. I quickly changed all my passwords and everything else I could think of. All he wanted was attention and to be acknowledged that he got the short end of the stick. But I refused to give him that, not a word, not a dot, not even a glance, or not even a check up on his social media.

2 years since the break up, 2 years of not speaking a word to him or even glancing at him, and 2 years since I’ve moved on from everything I wake up to a message that made me feel as if I was being monitored again. It was him. He was back and even more spiteful. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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