Sweet girl, I know you’ve battled with the presence of inner demons since you can remember. Demons that silently reside within your mind and heart. They have no face and no name. You can’t identify them inwardly, nor can you put words to them outwardly. But I know that has not stopped them from affecting both your internal and external world.
I know you’ve put others before yourself throughout the sum of your existence. You’ve built a mound of unprocessed emotions in an attempt to deny others the burden or discomfort your expression may bring them. I know the ways you lash out, lie, and steal to gain back a minute sense of control. I know how you criticize yourself for doing these things. I know the aches your soul feels when you are caught in the midst of these imperfections.
You sleep leaning against the doorway to your bedroom and on the landing of the stairs. Your thoughts make you fear the solitude of the night and crave a closeness, any closeness. You sleep in your closet and in your bathtub to feel the protection and security of an innocent and loved baby in a crib.
I also know the immense adoration you harbor for your baby dolls. I know how you care for them and somehow feel empathy for what seems to be an inanimate object. But your mind and imagination are powerful forces which allow you to see past that reality. See, your mind isn’t such a scary place to be after all. You nurture and love your baby dolls in the ways you crave to be nurtured and loved. You know you’re loved and that your life is far from absent of nurture, however you don’t know these things can and do exist for you unconditionally. Yet somehow you have never struggled to give those things unconditionally, and that is a beautiful thing, sweet girl. Hold on to that.
I carry you within me every day and you show up in every thought I make, every feeling I experience, and every action I take. We have endured loss, heartbreak, and many battles with our inner demons. But we have also experienced love, friendship, beautiful vulnerability, and countless moments of joyous laughter. We have learned and grown so much. I’d like to share with you some of the things we’ve learned.
Pain is a temporary thing if we allow it to be, but for that to be true, we must allow ourselves to feel it. It is through the act of pushing our pain deep within that we create a suffering; this is not temporary. The temporary discomfort our expression of emotions may cause for ourselves and others is a far better option than the long-term devastation that our suffering can create. More than that, your emotions are valid and you are entirely worthy of expression. Let people surprise you in the ways they accept, support, and love you through your release.
Your mind can only be as scary as you allow it to be. Rather than allowing it to be a fearful place, you have the power to make it a haven of reflection, gratitude, affirmations, and beautiful thoughts and creations. But you must first have the courage to face the monsters in your head, and know you can lean on the abundance of support around you throughout your conquering.
Just as you are able to give love that is absent of conditions, you receive that love. That love has always been circulating toward you, but you have to believe and understand that you truly deserve such a love. You do. It is all around you, so let it shine into and through you.
You are perfectly imperfect, and you are loved because of that. You have never been alone, but I’ve found being alone with you to be a remarkable place to be. You are so strong. You’ve made me strong. Thank you for your presence. I love you, sweet girl—unconditionally.