Why Being “The Other Woman” Is Not As Sinful As You Think

Flickr, Helga Weber
Flickr, Helga Weber

I didn’t ask to be the other woman. I didn’t even know I was moving in on a committed man. And honestly most women in my position would make the same claim. How can someone be blamed for sleeping with someone that they didn’t even know was spoken for? Now, this may look like i’m making a judgement of the cheating male in the situation, but i’m not. Sure maybe they didn’t have the most clear moral compass at the time, but if unfaithfulness happened then they weren’t exactly committed to their significant other in the first place. Regardless of who is to blame, the point I want to make is that being the “other woman” is not sinful, it may actually be righteous.

“Do I even have morals?” That’s what I wrote in my journal after it happened. “It” being when he told me about the other “other woman,” more commonly known as his girlfriend. The weird part wasn’t thinking about how awful it would feel to be that girl, or how something so good can be so bad, or even thinking that I should never talk to him again…because none of that happened. None of those thoughts popped into my head. The weird part was that I honestly didn’t feel bad at all. It didn’t feel wrong to enjoy being with someone that I had a connection with, even if they had a “connection” to someone else.

When all the lies came crashing down and he became vulnerable I felt exactly how much power I possessed. That was when I realized that not only did I not feel bad about being the “other woman,” I liked being that girl.

I realized that I was wanted. I was someone to be desired and I was chosen over the girlfriend. That power was something I had never experienced before, and let me tell you, it was liberating. Finally, a woman had the control. Typically you’d think that a two-timing man would have the voice in this forbidden love triangle, but that would be wildly incorrect. As the desired mistress in such an illicit affair, I was the one with the power to say yes or no or maybe or whatever the hell I wanted to say. He had to answer to me, I owed him nothing and he owed me everything. I was freed from all the binding chains of traditional womanhood. It felt good to be a woman with power, both physically and emotionally.

How did I come to terms with the fact that I was without those good old fashion morals? I told myself “It’s 2015…Can’t I sleep with someone without feeling like I’ve sinned?” And when I answered yes to that question, I no longer questioned whether or not the affair should end. I was benefitting, he was benefitting and the girlfriend was soon to be long gone. Besides, you never hear someone being called the “other man.” That alone made me feel justified. My last and best reason was that Eve came out of Adam and therefore I and the rest of womankind, have not had morals since the dawn of time. Therefore I decided to determine my own directions for “right and wrong” and I realized that it was time for a woman to play God. I was that woman and I chose my own fate, one without “sin.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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