This Is Why You Should Stop Blaming Yourself For His Actions

Brooke Cagle

It always starts the same, infatuation, home cooked dinners, and hand picked flowers. It starts with sweet words and even sweeter promises. It starts with pure romance. It starts out easy and effortless. Most importantly, it starts out with effort.

But day-by-day, slowly things change. His effort fades away. He begins to fade away.

He stops with the forehead kisses and the cute gestures.
He no longer reaches for your hand as you cross the road. The honeymoon phase has quickly ended, and you already feel stuck in a rut. For some reason, all his sweet acts of kindness have stopped.

His eyes have changed. They used to make you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, but now they see right through you. You’ve become invisible. Overlooked.

Conversations have become less meaningful and unimportant. Messages have become shorter and fewer. Then suddenly one day, they do not even come. Silence has become the new mode of communication. Silence is all you hear from him.

He’s turned into a ghost. He’s no longer around.

You can’t help but feel the same way, forgotten. Gone. You cannot help but feel like a person who is worth loving. You feel as if you’re no longer worth the energy or the time.

Now you’re stuck alone, sitting with nothing but unanswered questions and unnecessary regrets. He’s nowhere to be found. All this unused potential, ending before it even had the chance to begin. Your heart hurts, and it doesn’t know how to start healing from here.

He left. And there is something so unsettling about those two words.

You can’t help but begin blaming yourself, going through every motion to see where you both went wrong. You ask yourself why you’re not worth the effort? You ask yourself why everyone always leaves? And you ask yourself why it’s so easy for them to do so?

But sad girl, you must understand, this has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with him. You tried. You put yourself out there. You put in the energy and the effort. You gave it all you had.

He is the one who gave up. He is the one who couldn’t see the bigger picture. He is the one who failed. He is the one who is at loss here.

This is his failure, not yours. This is his defeat, not yours.

For whatever reason, he gave up. Maybe he just wasn’t ready, or maybe he just wasn’t interested, or maybe he’s still in love with someone else. The reasoning behind it all doesn’t really matter because none of it involves you.

It’s time to pick yourself up. Brush him off, and walk away with pride.

Guys like him are not worth the hurt or the heartbreak. They are clearly not worth the pain. These types of guys are not worth ruining your peace of mind. Guys like this are selfish. They are too caught up in themselves to even realize you got hurt due to their actions. They are better off left alone. They are better off left forgotten.

You are too full of light to be drained by someone who does not see your shine. You are too full of laughter to be turned off by someone who does not appreciate your smile.

Stop blaming yourself for all of this and let go. Forget. Move on. Leave this guy in the past, because this is the only place he belongs.

It is time to forgive yourself. It is time to be happy again. It is time to start believing in love.

It is time. What are you waiting for? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Graduate of University of Oregon. Professional wandered and avid coffee drinker.

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