I’ve always been the type of girl who is too much. I give too much, care too much, and love too much.
I’ve got a big heart. I believe in big love.
And trust me, I’ve spent countless hours hating myself for it. Somehow being too much translated into not being enough. Giving too much, transformed into people taking more than they ever should have. When others couldn’t handle me, I took the rejection personally, mistaking my overabundance of emotions and love as being inadequate.
Still to this day, I struggle trying to decide where to draw the line with others, battling with deciphering how much of myself I should feelingly give. I frequently contemplate if people are worth the effort, or if they will run the other way scared.
I hate to admit this, but lately, I’ve let this fear change me.
It turned me into someone I’m not, a version of myself which was unrecognizable. I bit my tongue. I hid my emotions. I pretended not to care. I’d gone stone cold.
I turned myself off.
At first, turning off my emotions made things a little easier. I found myself less stressed out and more at peace with the world. It was fun being the “cool-chill girl” who didn’t give a shit about anything or anyone.
But with a few months time, I began to see changes occurring in all aspects of my life: my friendships, my performance at work, and my relationships. I felt so distant from my own world. I disconnected myself from everyone, and found myself alone. For the first time in years, I felt extremely lonely.
I caved and let the world change me, clearly for the worst.
Being the type of girl who is “too much” is hard. Rejection and disappointment come too easily for us. We feel everything a bit too much. Honestly, we can’t help it, it’s just who we are.
But, you know what?
Being the type of girl who doesn’t care is even more difficult.
It becomes a lonely and dark place when you block out compassion and love. It’s bone-wrenching cold down in the cell of isolation.
It’s no place for a girl with too much of a heart.
So I’m here to say; don’t be like me. Don’t change yourself in the face of tough times. Never let the world cheat you from who you truly are, and certainly do not allow anything to turn your soft into something unrecognizable and hard.
Be the kind, thoughtful girl people always adore. Be the friend who others can rely on. Show up, and be the best, caring version of yourself.
Love without hesitations and regret. Let people in. Start allowing them to see your beautiful soul, and give people the chance to love you for who you really are.
Give everything you have, and never apologize for any of it. Say all the things you know you shouldn’t. Show your emotions, cry if you must, and yell if you want. Care more than you probably should.
Mostly, stop hating yourself for being “too much”, because at the end of the day, no one has the ability to label the amount of your being. No one has the power to place a meter on your worth.
Perhaps we’re not too much, they’re just too little.
Life is too short to be anything, or anyone but yourself. So, remain too much.
Care too much. Give too much. Love too much.
Embrace your big heart. Keep believing in big love.
Just be too much.
And never, ever change. Not even a little.