He met someone else.
Just like that. In a blind of an eye, he is no longer only mine. He is now hers.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around how we even got here, to a place where there is no us. A place where there is me, and then there is him and her. A point where there is clearly no spot for me in his life anymore.
It seems like just yesterday, we were making plans. Creating a future together. Promising each other the world. Now she gets all of it. And I am left with nothing.
I am left with nothing. Except for empty possibilities, lies, and a broken heart.
I can’t imagine a world without him, but now I am forced to. Clearly, he could easily see one without my existence.
The reality is that he is gone, whether I like it or not. He has more than just gone; he is already someone else’s.
I wish that I could say I am happy for him, but I am not. At least, just not yet. I wish that I could send her my love. Hope that she treats him as great as I would have. But I’m not entirely sure if she will ever be able to do so.
He is gone. He is no longer mine. He is now hers.
I have to keep reminding myself it all. To embrace how things are happening instead of how I imagined them to. I need to keep telling myself that this is for the better. There is a greater reason for all this madness. To trust that my pain will better me in some way. Trying to convince myself that by letting him go, I will be able to meet someone else. But I can’t manage so, just not yet.
For the time being, I don’t want to be with anyone else. Maybe that will change with time. Hopefully it will. But for now, I want him. I want him to be mine again. I wish it were as effortless as that.
I keep replaying it all in my head. From the moment we met, the good memories and inevitable bad ones. Trying to figure out how we went wrong. Searching for an answer that will help me finally sleep through the night. Reaching for a light in this everlasting darkness.
They keep telling me that time will heal this all. But each day that passes just makes me miss him more. Every day I feel his absence in my life grow larger.
I wish I were strong enough to move on; to put this all in the past. Clearly he has moved on, and now it should be my time to do so as well. I wish I were strong enough to gracefully let go and forgive him for everything.
But I’m not, just not yet.
I’m only human. I have real emotions and genuine feelings. I feel everything too deeply. I am just doing the best that I can. I am doing what I need to do to get through every day without him. Struggling to get through this new life I am forced to face.
I know that one day I will be able to appreciate this experience for everything it has to offer. Realize the greater picture of this. I know. I know this all. But for now, I can’t accept the reality of it.
I’m not ready for that, just not yet.
He met someone else. Just like that. He is no longer only mine. He is now hers.
And I’m going to keep reminding myself that, until I no longer have to.