A Few Reasons Why I’m Sorry

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I forgot for a while that we were temporary beautiful things.

I’m sorry that I forgot that we were magic, we were fireworks, we were experiences and adventures, we were beautiful beginnings with sad endings.

I’m sorry that I became too brave. I’m sorry I placed my bets on you. I’m sorry that I became unapologetically sure that you’d never leave.

I’m sorry that I loved too much. There were days I spent with you where we fought and fought and fought and in the middle of our mess, I’m sorry that I forgot to tell you I still loved you despite the monster our love was gradually becoming.

I’m sorry that I smoked way too many cigarettes after you left. You told me not to smoke in sadness and I did exactly the opposite. I’m sorry I never listened to anything you said. I am an acid tongue, I am deaf ears, I am burning furniture that you once called home.

I’m sorry for making so many memories carelessly with you. What were once happy moments are now roses and knives that hurt and linger in the corners of my being.

I’m sorry that I changed you into summer, I’m sorry that I changed you into warmth, I’m sorry that I taught you how to love yourself, I’m sorry that I made you so vulnerable that you feel broken now.

I’m sorry for what we did to each other. We started as flame and then slowly became a forest fire. You are still the love of my life, no matter how much of a stranger you’ve begun to seem to me. You are a prayer and I will remember all your verses.

Years from now, I’ll call you on the number of yours that I’ve memorized and I’ll say that I’m sorry in hopes that you’ll forgive me.