This Is How You Wait

A day, a month, a year, it doesn’t matter how long or how short. In today’s world where everything is instant—in just a click, just a snap, just a touch of the hand—waiting has indeed become a tedious task.

You see couples walking by—holding hands, hugging tight, kissing as if no one’s around. Strangers felt that spark, friends became one, duos lived the happily married life. You then ask yourself “Where did they find the one?” “What do they have that I do not have?” “Why am I alone?” You question. You wonder. “Do I deserve this?” “What is wrong with me?”

Tired. Exhausted. Rushing the feeling, you become impatient. Lonely. Alone. Watching the world bloom with lovers, you become hopeless.

It is not that you cannot fall in love, in fact, you can, and you do have someone you are thinking while you are reading this. A friend, a crush, an almost-lover, an ex-flame—really, there is this one person that you can’t stop thinking about; there is this one person that you want to start something with. Yes, waiting may be waiting for that one person to finally look deep into your eyes; or waiting may be waiting for that one person who you haven’t met yet.

It is indeed hard. It is hard waiting for that someone you know or someone you don’t know. But you know what’s harder? It is harder waiting when you do not know if someone will even come. It is harder waiting when you do not know if you are even waiting for anybody, anyone.

Unsure. What do you do then? When you are on this state of limbo? Uncertain. What do you do then? When you are in this state of not knowing if someone’s gonna like, even gonna fall in love with you?

What if you are waiting for nothing? What if no one comes?

From hopeful, you are now hopeless. Sitting there all alone, there you are. Staring blankly into space, there you are. As couples walk by, as friends exchange vows, as lovers fall deeply in love, you are still there, stagnant, stranded.

What do you do then? How do you wait but not even think, feel that you are waiting?

From hopeful, stay hopeful. Wait. Do not get tired of waiting. Do not be afraid to fall and fail. Do not be afraid to fall in love—that is, with yourself first. Cliché as it sounds, you have to fall in love with yourself first so that you’ll learn how and what really the phrase “falling in love” is.

Hone your assets, highlight your edges, hug your flaws. Do not pretend to be someone else just because that someone is loved by many. Admit it, you did and are doing that so many, many times. Do not pretend that you are this and you are that just because society tells you so, just because your crush likes that certain “type.” From head to toe, inside and outside, heart and soul, stay true to yourself. Yes, do not wait for another person to realize your worth, to realize how amazing, awesome you are. You, you have to be your biggest fan, because no one else will be your number one admirer, your die-hard lover but yourself.

And when you become your biggest fan, it’s time to show to others why, what made you think, believe in that.

Talk. Move. Someone as amazing, awesome as you are should not hide in that shell. Do not focus on making a person fall in love with you—but rather, focus on making a hobby, a career, a passion, fall in love with you. Give your dreams a deadline. Find something that you are passionate for, hustle, hug it and never ever let it go! Go until you reach that mutual loving feeling—with your goal, with fulfillment.

Now that you found your biggest fan (yourself) and now that you have that sense of fulfillment, it’s time to show to others why, what made you think, believe in that.

Yes, do not be afraid to fall and fail. Yes, do not be afraid to fall in love. You have to fall in love. You have to say that you are in love. You have to act that you are in love. You have to feel that you are in love.

When you found that someone to fall to—fall. Yes, love that person in words and in action. So what if you are not even sure if that someone likes you? So what if he doesn’t like you back? So what is she doesn’t love you at all? That person might not realize your worth, but remember—loving isn’t about being loved back in return. Yes, you will be hurt, but you need that. You will cry, you will blame yourself, you will lose hope. Just think of it as a dry run, a practice, a lesson to be learned and then be applied to the next one.

Just fall in love. Love without expecting anything in return. Love because, well, love. You need to be rejected. You need to be smothered. You need to experience the excitement of getting to know someone, the tragic of expecting, the sorrow of assuming, the pain of not being loved back, the heartrending emotion of being lied, cheated, hurt.

You need to have your heart broken. Why? Broken, so that your heart will open. Hearts that were never opened, no cracks, no crashes, will be forever closed. How can love enter when your heart is shut then? With no bandaids, no breaks, how can love pass by? Fill those cracks and crashes with experiences, exposures. Satisfy those bandaids and breaks with smiles and sorrows. Do not be afraid to give your hundred percent when it comes to loving—no grey areas, no half hearts. Do not be scared of not being loved back—yes to hurt, yes to heartbreaks.

You are waiting to ready yourself. You are waiting so that you’ll be your best self. For wouldn’t you want the person you are waiting for to be his best self, too? Whole as a person, but with a broken heart filled with cracks, crashes, bandaids, and breaks.

A heart that cried knows how it is like being hurt, thus it will not hurt others at all. A heart that loved knows how it is like being adored, thus it will adore others.

A heart that stood the test of time is a healthy heart, open to loving and being loved back.

Never get tired if hoping. Never get tired of honing. Never get tired of heartbreaks. You will get there, do not worry. Yes, time will come. In the meantime, this is how you wait. TC mark

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