You… you do realize that women are just about the greatest thing to ever happen to us… Right? Don’t screw that up!
Always hold something in your back pocket. When you finally make a move, make sure it’s a master stroke from a position of strength.
I’ve never received an email that would have seriously messed up my personal or professional life if I’d waited 12 hours to open it. I’m not that important.
It’s ridiculous to think that I deserve a perfect person, because I’m insanely imperfect. Let’s be honest — you are too. Our flaws are what make us human.
The two of us together have the exact amount of combined voting power as one Kardashian and Honey Boo Boo’s mom.
Start cooking to music. Play John Mellencamp when you’re doing it with friends. Play Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra when you’re alone.
Is there something wrong with calling a girl and asking her on a date instead of this stupid game we play where we text back and forth for days?
You have not felt joy in this life until you’ve had a pretty girl resting her head on your chest playing with your chest hair. Seriously.
If you’re like me, meaning 23 and single, then you know there’s one question you’re going to have to answer multiple times over the next two months