1. Food: I know you kind of still know what it does, but do you remember how good it can taste?
2. You’ve been a little edgy lately…and it wasn’t just your mom who noticed.
3. That O.C.D. heartbeat paranoia thing is outlandishly bad.
4. Face it: snorting those XRs really just gave you a headache. Even after you started crushing the beads with your credit card.
5. Your shrink is pretty upset with you.
6. That can’t-move-from-one-place-as-brain-implodes feeling you get when you smoke pot on IRs.
7. Do you remember half of the Burroughs anthology you devoured in one sitting? Even a third of it? Ditto One Hundred Years of Solitude.
8. Creepy looks people give you, and the casual, “Dude, why are you so sweaty?”
9. Like the kid in Thumbsucker says, it’s just three molecules different than coke, which is totally not in at all anymore.
10. You don’t want to eventually turn into Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson…whose mom was also not the only one who noticed.
11. You not longer want to chain smoke until people express concern and you cough up gross things.
12. Sweaty palms are the worst.
13. You no longer think you can psych out the slot machine with that quote-unquote focus gaze of yours.
14. You realize your life doesn’t transform into Limitless after two XRs anymore.
15. Your other therapist, the sexy one, is uber-disappointed.
16. Do you remember really and truly how to laugh at something? Like explode with the kind of joy that makes you shiver?
17. Remember when sleep was kind of exciting?
18. Big old sweaty crotch stains.
19. Your third therapist, the one you respect, thinks you’ve been secretly lying to her for weeks now.
20. You really want your mom to trust you again.
21. You hate rationalizing your way through the whole day until your come down.
22. You want to be better.
23. You want to feel just how it feels to have sex in regular speed again, instead of slamming away, locking eyes in turbo mode.
24. You ribs really are starting to show.
25. You really want to be better, this time more than ever.