Nerds Are The New Jocks

Fellow Nerds! Hear me! We’re getting too much too fast! Our bespectacled faces are about to melt from the sheer joy of the mainstream’s willingness to pay attention to what is important to us. The Avengers marks the culmination of what I fear may be too much success for a group of people that have been historically disenfranchised.

Long have the Nerds sought for the artistry of comic book heroes to be recognized accurately on the big screen. We are entering into an age where The Lord of the Rings, Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight franchise, and Marvel’s new slate of movies are seeing this dream realized. But heed my words of caution!

Part of a Nerd’s charm (not really, we’re quite socially awkward) is their ability to see society from an outsider’s perspective. Not caring for what was deemed socially superior like sports, dances, or not having asthma, a nerd retreated to other like minded people and immersed themselves in comic books and dungeons and dragons, etc. An escape created by those with similar interests and inability to breathe after short workouts.

But beware the tale of Icarus, fellow dweebs! We are headed too close to the sun, the “sun” being “social acceptance.” I fear it won’t be long before the status quo is changed forever and exchanges like this are heard in high schools everywhere:

A boy with a letterman jacket scans the hallway, seeing it’s clear he makes a quick prayer and heads to his football practice. Suddenly a group of Nerds appear out of nowhere.

Nerd 1: Well look what we have here!

Other Nerds chuckle menacingly.

Jock: Uh…Hey, I was just trying to get to practice.

Nerd 2: Football practice I bet!

Other Nerds high-five each other.

Nerd 1: Does your boyfriend know you have football practice?

Jock: Yes, he is also on the team.

(See? Being gay/gay marriage or really, “marriage” is totally cool in the future! See how I cleverly snuck that in there?)

Nerd 1: Oh okay, well I totally support your decision to be who you are but FOOTBALL IS FOR PUSSIES!

Nerd 2: LET’S AVENGE HIS ASS!

The Nerds take turn quoting lines from different superhero movies while giving him a wedgie.

And Scene.

This day is not far off on the pace we’re headed! When the Nerds become drunk with power and we are left with nothing! Nothing but the echoing words from a Nerd who saw it coming from the beginning. Who begged people to support the making of the movie American Pie: New Last Reunion Fun Time, Again! just to cleanse our pallets. Do I have the answer!? No. Honestly I want them to make a billion more Avengers movies.

Yet with my waning wisdom I remind us all, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” Do you know where that’s from? Of course you do, you’re a nerd. It’s from the thing you said right before you stuffed the starting quarterback into a locker. TC mark

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  • http://www.vview.co.za/ Glenn Kisela

    Here’s the thing though. You forget the one thing that will always keep nerds, well nerds. Rage face. You don’t get any less cool than raging because someone messed up your kill-death ratio. :P

  • Maybeemily

    This was more relevant when Seth Cohen was popular circa 2004.

  • http://www.facebook.com/GypsyDave Dave Carmocan

    This was pretty awesome.

  • Anonymous

    When my dad took me to Comic-Con when I was younger it felt like it was still, you know, about comic books. Now it’s become so massive there’s not even enough space to move. Not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, but things certainly have changed. 

    • Nishant

      Actually a LOT of people complain about that now. How Comic Con is not about comics, but movie promotions and merchandising controlled by, guess who, BIG CORPORATIONS.

  • Nishant

    Apart from not articulating a difference between geeks and nerds, this was concise, accurate and a distinct possibility.

    I feel being a geek about comics is very similar to being a metal fan. The fact that both were considered uncool and fringe for so long was part of the charm of belonging to that ‘elite club’. Now its all getting too mainstream and tamed down to sell more tickets and action figures. That doesn’t reduce the love in any way though.

  • Lea Moser

              Nerds  are the New Douchey Jocks– title and article of what I submitted to thought catalog a month ago.
      My
    preference in men has been molded by my conception of the popular jock type
    guys being arrogant, misogynistic, douche bag-ish.  I blame 90’s cliché movies for reinforcing
    the machismo masculine stereotype.  These
    jocks in high school had it all: girlfriends, admiration, and popularity. The
    football players were the guys all the girls in the school wanted.  Not wanting to compete, I sought out a
    different kind of guy.  The kind of guy
    Cosmo advises 15 year old girls to “just give a chance.”  The nerdy nice guy with the supposed big
    heart who will actually listen and care about what you feel.

                As
    I have gotten older I have realized that these previously untouched gems of men
    have become just as sought after as the Adonis athletes in high school.  Nerds are the new jocks, disguising their
    doucheyness under hipster glasses and skinny jeans.

                What
    must have happened is that women all over the country were tired of feeding the
    quarterbacks ego, and we all jumped on the emo nerd’s band wagon.  We began to fantasize about the paleness, the
    lanky, un-muscular limbs and the awkward facial hair. 

                We
    created a monster.

                These
    men have become the same assholes we created in high-school.  It’s apparent in the movies we watch and the
    magazines we read; actors like Demitri Martin and Justin Long are getting girls
    wet all over the world, but breaking hearts just the same. When society found
    out about Ben Gibbard’s marriage going kaput, women all over the world lost
    faith in marriage and the sanctity of the nerd.

                We
    lost hope, we lost faith, we lost the nerd.

                As
    we continue dating in the techromance era, we must remember that nerds are
    beginning to dominate the world.  Video
    games, computers, electronics in general are in high demand, and so are the men
    that find interest in them.  Maybe we
    should all go back to fawning over the tan, muscular beauties we once did, only
    to regain the docile, humble nerds we once loved.

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