“Everyone cheats,” he stated flatly.
Eventually I handed my husband the phone and asked him to call my sister so she could tell everyone. I didn’t want to face them. I didn’t want to deal with their grief on top of my own. I just wanted to fall apart and have that be okay, so I did
I struggled with the idea that my Dad who was this infallible person, was actually flawed in a serious way – a way that could have / should have killed him twice. I wept for the loss of the person I knew and for the person I knew he would never be again.
No matter how much weight I have lost, no matter how much money I make now, no matter how good my life is compared to his – it doesn’t matter because he didn’t want me.
Pretty soon I was weeping at my computer while I was writing this, because it forced me to realize that I have become exactly who I was afraid of being – the girl that puts it all on red and turns the roulette wheel.