A heavy heart goes unnoticed. It becomes an ache that is pushed out through weak valves and into the corridors of an upset stomach. Like shots of adrenaline, thoughts of you stir in my core. My heart races. My breath is heavy. My nerves are shot. Ailments of a broken spirit. Ailments of a spirit so far lost into the depths of the human body, into the human soul. It can’t be seen, it can’t be touched, it can’t be tasted. Love is felt.
Love is defined as, “an intense feeling of deep affection”. Hate is defined as “intense dislike for someone or something.” To really delve into the meaning of these human emotions and all relative, we also need to define intense. Intense can be defined as having strong feelings or opinions.
We can probably go around and around defining what it is that provokes these strong or intense feelings, though, the key that is missing in these definitions is the use of uncontrollable.
Intense and uncontrollable situations go hand in hand. Uncontrollable situations and feelings spark intense and reactive feelings and situations. You might say, “I control everything in my life. Nothing is uncontrollable. Everything is as I want it to be.” False. A BIG NO.
I would like to introduce you to the world of chain reactions. For every action is a reaction. For every reaction, is another reaction and so on. Sure, you have a choice. But when dealing with matters of the heart, choice becomes only a particle to the bigger picture.
A seed is planted in fertile soil. The soil is plentiful and moist, and has the potential to grow beautiful flowers, but the soil alone cannot ignite the reaction of growth by itself. Someone, or something, must choose to water it. The seed will respond. The seed will begin to unfold. The seed will see growth. The seed, in all of its fragility, will seem strong. Its growth thereafter is uncontrollable in the right conditions. The now beautiful bud of petals has deep affection for its water. The flower is now reliant on it. It trusts that the water will come back every time.
A good example can only go so far. Love is something people have been trying to define since the beginning of time. Tom Robbins once wrote, “There is only one serious question. And that is: Who knows how to make love stay?”
I don’t think you can make love do anything. Love, like the water, has action due to choice. And choice can only be made due to the human spirit; what is felt. And human spirit is uncontrollable.
My choice? Feel this uncontrollable mess, as much as I can. Embrace my choice to love with no guarantee of reciprocity. Conjure up the uncontrollable spirit, and spin it into choices far beyond what the world and its intensities have conjured up for me.
A heavy heart goes unnoticed; but I will water it and watch it grow.