‘Opposites attract’ is a principle that holds true in nature, attraction, and perhaps even love.
I have always been drawn to people that behave in a way I wouldn’t behave myself. I’ll listen in wonder as someone tells me about the three people they’re casually dating but I can’t picture myself in any relationship that isn’t monogamous. I’ll be amazed at how someone picked up and moved their entire life to follow an instinct, when I have to contemplate the pros and cons of every small decision I make. I’ll be fascinated with someone’s go-with-the-flow attitude, but can’t act that way for more than five minutes.
And that’s okay. It’s natural to be drawn to something new and something different, but it’s important to remember that someone else is drawn to you for all the things you are and all the things that make you different to them. That’s the difficult part that people struggle with, especially ‘good girls.’
When you spend your whole life being treated as the good girl, you tend to associate that with being boring and find yourself needing to prove that yes you are a good girl, but you’re also so much more than that. You can be impulsive and sexy and dangerous and f*cking fascinating.
So when you meet someone who looks at you in a way that makes you believe that you may actually be all those things, how do you walk away from that? Should you walk away from that? My answer is ‘it depends.’ And I know that sucks, but it’s the truth.
Occasionally the bad boy is just like you and trying to prove his label wrong, sometimes he’s everything you need him to be in that moment, but most of the time he really is just bad for you.
And that’s not because he’s a bad person, it’s just because your intentions aren’t aligned. You’ll read the signs wrong because you see them differently than he does. He may always be texting, but the texts always come in around midnight. He may always compliment you, but the compliments sometimes make you feel uncomfortable. He may always make you feel wanted, but questioning whether you even want to be wanted in this way.
When you’re thinking casual conversation that leans toward the flirty side, he’s wondering just how far he can push your boundaries. When he says you deserve better, you try to build his self-esteem while he’s only making sure he can defend himself when you say you want more than what he’s giving you. You’re attracted to each other because you’re ‘opposites,’ but you eventually repel each other because you just want different things.
Being labeled a good girl will always make you look for someone who doesn’t see you like a cookie-cutter good girl. Just be careful you don’t go looking for someone who doesn’t treat you like a good girl, because you actually don’t deserve that.